Be Patient! The Great Wall didn’t got build in one day.
Submitted by: dunno source via Engrish Funny Submissions
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It takes time, ya’ll.
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First!
Stupid troll.
Yes…it did…I know….because I got built it one days
This is what happens when you let Gommer Pile work the Fortune Cookie Printing Machine.
Gommer? Pile? Sarge, how could you forget!!
Shayme shayme shayme!
Well GOOOOLLLYYY!!!
… but this fortune was written in 3 seconds, with no editing.
Took me about 2 hours, the last time I played Civilisation!
Ooohhhhh….which one?
I have #4, it is GREAT!
Got build?
Don’t you have one too?
Why is a building called a ‘building’? Why isn’t it a ‘built’?
Why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway, why is luggage called cargo when its by boat. Why is it called taking a dump when your actually leaving a dump, I don’t want to take any of it.
You don’t want to take any of it? Who owns this PET???
I DON’T!
Im not positive but im pretty sure thats George Carlin for the win!
Apologies for the long, and for the caps (it came to me that way), but I think it’s worth it:
33 GREAT QUESTIONS AND APHORISMS FROM GEORGE CARLIN
1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “HERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO ‘GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?’
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE AN ‘S’ IN IT?
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED ‘HEMORRHOIDS’ INSTEAD OF ‘ASSTEROIDS’?
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
*applause*
Thanks for posting all that!
*applause*
^o^!!!
ROFL.
Another time, if you paste the text into Word, then do select all, then (Word 2003) Format -> Change Case -. Sentence case.
You’re right. It’s worth it!
I got a message saying
“You will get a e-mail from someone special.”
No such luck, yet.
I guess fortunes are trying to modernize?
Read your spam.
Since when did fortune cookies get their fortunes from the African-American community? This is obviously Ebonics…
Maybe China is outsourcing their crap jobs to us now?
The black people up my way don’t talk like that?
Well some do, but so do some of the white poople. Its just poor grammar due to lack of interest in education.
That was definitely not written here in the South. If it were, it would say, “Be patient! That there wall over yonder in China or Asia what have you didn’t git built in a day ya know.”
Ah don’ ratly know whut part of the Sayouth you’s from, but heah in Westin Cayenne-tucky Ah’d ‘spect supm moweh lahk, “Y’all keep them britches own, they ain’t no fahr tuh git to! Y’know them Cha-nee folks whut got thayat beyig ol’ stowin fence in Channah shore didn’ git’r'dun ‘foe sundayown, nah didday?”
Where’s the southern translator?
Jest trah sayin’ it ayout layoud ‘n’ Ah betchel gittit.
I could probably do it, but that would mean stepping down to your level of literature.
*chortle* If that’s an attempt at an insult, I shall refrain from retorting. I don’t believe in bringing a gun to a fist fight.
*hands jinxed a gun*
I hope you realise we’re only shooting the breeze here.
For the longest time was not exposed much to the southern way of speaking, the accents and that unique way they have of expressing themselves.
The first time I was in the hills of Georgia I couldn’t hardly understand what people were saying. I kept saying -excuse me-what?- so many times that one exasperated man said to me – Kiiiid, whut’s the matter wit choo? Dontcha unnerstand the Lord’s english?-
So, you’re not a Christian?
Conejita- I thuink they be still use feudal system in the Georgia.
I have no idea what you’re saying, but I’ll be patient, the great wall didn’t got build in one day, right?
Save me from this HELL
I’m sure that heavily accented, southern style English is not the only language the Lord knows or speaks in
My best friend grew up in the Bronx and still lives in NYC, so his accent is quite thick. When he visits me, and we’re having an interaction with someone with a strong Southern accent, I often have to translate! In both directions!
I can feel my brain dying!!!!! ToT I understood that!!!
It may not have got built in one day, but it sure as hell got knocked down in one. Several times, in fact.
All 5500 miles of it? Wow!
Well, you know the song…… ♫ Somebody farted, an earthquake started…..♫
Stupid Mongorians, Quit knocking down my sh!tty war!!
Please be patient. Our writing skills cannot be improved in one day.
That’s because I wasn’t the overseer. BACK TO WORK YOU MISERABLE SKIVING SLAVES! ANOTHER 200 METRES BY DINNERTIME, OR NO SOUP FOR YOU! Oh, I have a housekeeping announcement here: the beatings will continue until morale improves.
And don’t you dare sass me. If I want your opinion I’ll beat it out of you!
THANKING YOU SIR MAY I HAS AN OTHER!
“I would prefer not to.” Oh, sorry, I thought you said “skrivening” slaves.
I am not a miserable slave!
that’s may big smile. really.
I am a happy cheerful slave, see →
oops–my big smile.
NO IT IS MINE! *takes smile from lexan D, replaces it with an even BIGGER smiley*
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wow, that sure took some time
An entire day!
10 mins.
Plus a day. Check out the time stamp. Or are you a time traveling kitten?
I had to go somewhere, so I made it the day after.
nice. quality fortune.
Being as we are continually bombarded with commercial speech on all media, I think you’ll find you won’t get a warm response to spam here.
Don’t be too hard on him. Can’t you tell by the pic that he’s allready burning in hell.
I’m getting tired of this. “Y’all” is a contraction of “you” and “all”. It therefore cannot be ya’ll.
Except that in areas where it’s actually likely to be spoken it’s a contraction for “ya” and “all”.
That’s not been my experience. “You” in Southern dialect can approach “yuh,” as it does even in the Northern states, never “ya.” But if it is said as the two words, I’ve always heard it as “you all.”
Uhh – I live where it is spoken and it is a contraction for “you” and “all”, so y’all. “Ya” is not a word.
I thinked it first it said “good wall” and I were like “Yes it done! I watchinged good wall beed buildered by crew for Tie Penington. Great Wall, although, that beed taking twos or threes days.
If you are going to make fun of Southerners, at least spell y’all correctly. It’s a contraction of you and all, use your apostrophes properly.
Actually, the Great Wall of China WAS built in one day… Which is the main reason it’s so impressive (did you really think it was so popular only because it was LONG?).