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No beer I will go to heaven
you are my love my angel don’t treat me like potato
World’s no. 1 dirty man
One day one beer keep the doctor away
I wouldn’t want to live without them
Submitted by: dunno source via Engrish Funny Submissions
Novelty sign for sale in Hong Kong.
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you say potato, I say potAto.
You say to-may-to, I say to-mar-to…
Lettuce call the whole thing off.
#1 dirty man would have to be in the Playboy mansion
They sell these at the Night Market on Temple Street in Hong Kong. When I bought the potato one, it said “angle” not “angel”, which was even better
And this one is mis-written in Chinese- someone missed on the keyboard and as a result “you” in the English side is “rice” in the Chinese side.
It’s written Cantonese. Not strictly regular Chinese.
My friend went to Hong Kong on exchange and got me one of these. It says ‘MEETING WITH MR.SLEEPY DO NOT DISTURB’. It is now gloriously hanging on my bedroom door.
You say potato, the Vicar says he was hanging curtains.
ATTENTION ALL STUPID TROLLS! IF YOU THINK SOMETHING ISN’T ENGRISH, THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! GO TO THE DANG VOTING PAGE, AND VOTE OFF THE ONES YOU DON’T FIND “Engrish-ry” ENOUGH FOR YOU!!! THAT IS WHY THE VOTING PAGE IS THERE! USE IT! IN CASE YOU TROLLS ARE TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS THAT I AM TRYING TO SAY, HERE IS A LINK!!! http://engrishfunny.com/vote/
Give it a rest.
Just trying to catch it early!
It’s annoying and lame.
Yeah, zip it you potato.
I don’t know you. I don’t care who you are. Don’t make jokes about potatoes!
Oh. My. God. DOUCHE ALERT! DOUCHE ALERT!!! SOMEBODY! 911!! DOUCHE ALERT!!!!
If your going to keep saying that, stop using caps and shorten it to something like:
If you don’t like/ don’t think this picture is engrish, then don’t share it via a comment(really, please don’t), and go to the voting page *insert the link here* and vote for what you want to see on the main page.
Yeah, SS. You seem way too excitable, even for a 14-year old. Take a clue from JohnB and try meditation.
Or the downward facing dog.
Care to demonstrate?
I wouldn’t mind showing it to you, but I’ll turn the spotlight to someone with more experience than me, JohnB.
Ugh. Mind bleach plz.
If you ask nicely, maybe JoannaB will demo for you.
WORSE!
Hey, for all you know I might be a very attractive woman.
So true. Since Joanna is a fictional character one can imagine her to be a young hot girl.
(notice that I was nice about her and didn’t call her names)
I don’t think I could do that. Unless it was somebody else….
I can’t imagine JoannaB as a young hot girl when I know that JohnB’s mind is behind it all.
I always hoped when i first saw JoannaB that she was some other person mimicking JohnB, because it would be more entertaining that way.
i beg to differ!
What, you don’t think there are any young hot girls in my mind? I also beg to differ!
If you really want to go for authentic sluttiness, IMO ratchet up the age a bit.
sorry, but it’s the image of you that keeps coming to mind.
I’d be concerned if there WEREN’T any young hot girls in JohnB’s mind.
Yep. In the mind is the only safe place for most of us dinosaurs to have hot young girls.
Rest assured, I also have some not-so-young hot girls in my mind, also. That’s one of the fringe benefits of getting older, that one can appreciate attractiveness in a wide age range of people.
It’s even funnier when you realize that “World’s no. 1 dirty man” would be more literally translated to “World’s #1 Westerner”.
Yes, because people in India definitely don’t drink their own piss.
There’s a difference?
Hey! I resemble that comment!
I’m sorry. Please no jokes about potatoes. They are to be taken seriously, just like marriage.
I hope to have a potato some day. *sigh*
Here ya go. (gives ShadowSplicer a potato)
….thanks, but I meant……go back to the potato post…..
I hope she has lovely eyes.
Don’t you mean, “I hope she has lovely fries”?
No, potatoes have “eyes”.
Well, ‘eye’ don’t see your point!
You know, up until this point. I didn’t know that potatoes have eyes (except for Mr. potato head). And even though I’ve taken them out before, I didn’t know that’s what they were called. Which kind of doesn’t make sense because potatoes can’t see.
Eye guess you learn something new each day.
I learned something too. When I made the reply to SS, I thought the potato-eye thing was something “everybody” knew.
How do you know potatoes can’t see? Just because they can’t tell you they see?
Hmm…I ‘see’ your point…
The other day I told my wife that I was as serious as a potato. Subsequently I had to show her the post to explain.
Is the couch comfortable?
Actually, yes. But she thought it was funny and now she likes Engrish and Demotivational Posters.
Haha. Okay then.
Right, demotivational poster should really keep her spirits up throughout the day.
Have you looked? Some of those are hilarious!
Yes, I’ve seen them, they’re funny.
Are you telling her to get drunk?!
Wait! Can cats have potatoes?
Crap, reply fail by me
You should be glad you caught yourself!
YAY. Would that be considered a fail win?
No. You still FAIL. Just not that much.
Yay. Minimum fail
Cats can have ANYTHING. According to cats, anyhow.
All your base are belong to us!
Not if I have any say in it!
*takes la conejita’s base*
OMG…I just found another meaning for that! Heheh…
What do you say la conejita?
@ SS: As a cat, “All your BASS are belong to us” would be funnier. IMHO, anyway.
I mean the fish bass, BTW.
I love these signs! Does anyone know where to buy them on the internet?
Try making one! That would be a fun project.
I’m sure somewhere on the net, someone has a, “We Make Your Sign” site, where you can get anything you want printed on a sign.
I used to work at the print center at Office Max and we got some very interesting sign reuests from people. Some one actually tried to order signs to promote him to be elected a facism (KKK etc.) leader. We had a really cool big black guy as a superviser and had him call the guy to come in to confirm his order. The customer walked into the store saw our sup. and never made his way to print center.
About a year back, there was a news article about a bakery in a Shop-Rite that refused to decorate a birthday cake with a kid’s full name. The name was, “Adolph Hitler Campbell,” and of course they wanted swastikas on the cake, too, although they denied being Nazis.
Wow. Denial FAIL. Half way through their interview they probably yelled ” SIEG HEIL”. “What no, no, were not Nazis”.
Right, because even people who are not Nazis like the little swastika symbol. No relation at all, just like the symbol and wouldn’t it be great if it were on our kids b-day party? Oh, btw our son’s name is Adolph Hitler Campbell, so write it in there too.
Well, he’s not named after THAT Adolph Hitler. He’s named after Adolph Hitler the accordion player.
And he just happened to have a sister whose two middle names (I don’t remember her first) were “Aryan Nation.” No, of course they’re not Nazis.
The swastika itself is an ancient symbol used in Eastern and some Native American religions and is intended to bring positive energy. Hitler just appropriated it. Unfortunately, I think he managed to ruin the symbol permanently, since I can’t come upon even a swastika oriented in the other direction without an immediate, unpleasant emotional response.
My name is German, but I have NO German heritage whatsoever!
That actually IS a name in Spanish, however it has no association to Germany, because in Spanish Germany= Alemania.
No, I mean my REAL name!
No. Your real name is not German.
Do you even know what it is?!
Maybe it’s best that we don’t know. I usually have a good memory, but right now what comes to mind is something like Fritz.
Um……..I said my name was on the Fritz….my REAL name is German!
Do your friends call you “Germ” for short?
Nah, I’m Mildew!
And what do you get when you mill dew?
……..
Sounds phony. No one would name their child Adolf Hitler Campbell.
I’d rather have a redneck comedian give me a sign…
Oh dear, what have you done to earn your sign?
Okay, let me see if I’ve got this plan right. One day one beer keep the doctor away. So, if I want to stay out of the doctor’s office for the next ten years, I should drink 3,650 beers today? Okay! Wait, how many leap years between now and then? Aw, hell, I’ll just throw in another six-pack for good measure. 3,656 it is. I’d better get down to it. It’s almost noon here, and drinking time’s a wasting…
Need some help? (Holds up JohnB’s funnel and keeps pumping up the keg)
Careful, JohnB, your logic is overwhelming.
Well, my “stinking thinking” is well-honed after years of practice!
John, I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to become virtually sober as well. This is an intervention. You have to realize that you have problems with alcohol, especially if you are thinking of virtually drinking 3,656 beers.
I tried to get him to stop but he wouldnt listen to me.
Yeah, right! An’ uh uh who’sh been p-p-pumping the *hic* keg?
He did it! He did it! He did it! *points at Kame09*
Hell with it, I’ll join you. What are we drinking about?
About 3 pints an hour.
Ok. (pulls out spare funnel for bluejade). But first please sign this waiver.
No funnel, I like doing 8 oz curls.
That’s a pint of imported beer every 20 minutes… Dude. how long do I have to keep thid up>
That depends, of course, on exactly WHAT you’re trying to keep up.
Are you trying to keep up your ‘spirits’?
Oh boy now were doing the hard liquor now?
I don’t know, its getting kinda ‘hard’ to tell!
Hardly.
Bad puns up there jinxed! /\
Don’t jinx us by pointing out the bad puns.
Substandard puns. Not dreadful punning at all *pats SS on the head for not dreadful punning*
I never knew puns were standard on a sub!
Joanna, the DPh transportation likes to keep the spirits of their employee’s up, so it’s normal for us to ask our punee’s to repeat the pun’s.
Very punee.
Who said anything about “Imported beer” You guys have been drinks cheap coors lite for the past hour and a half.
Droll is buying, and he’s in Australia.
In that case, I’ll take 5 gallons of water, please.
Go to these pages for more of these signs:
ht tp://flickr.com/photos/29650319@N06/3574833200
ht tp://engrishfunny.com/upcoming/?pid=12533
Oh, I know an HILARIOUS joke about a potato!
Who wants to hear my HILARIOUS joke about a potato?
Please, please tell us!!!
If you have hilarious joke about a potato, eye want to hear it.
*clonk*
I sincerely hope that wasn’t it.
No, no, Dreadful Puns are no joking matter. Joke proper is below.
Intercontinental clonks delivered in about a minute to a #1 Westerner. What an amazing interwebs.
Just hope that we never get hold of nyooculer weapons technology.
You scare me.
Okay. A couple of fellas go out on Friday nights to the local pub, or a club, after work. One of them always manages to meet and chat pleasantly (and often go home) with attractive girls, but the other never seems to have any luck. One day, at work, he asks the successful lady-meeter what the secret of his success is.
“Oh, it’s just a trick I learned ages ago. Before I go out on a Friday night, I put a potato down my pants”.
So the next Friday night, when they go to the pub, before he leaves home, the one who hasn’t had much luck with the ladies shoves a potato down his pants, and heads off hopefully. He is crestfallen when once again, he fails to attract any women, whilst they flock to his always-successful friend.
The next week at work, the unsuccessful fella approaches his mate and says “Look, is there something that wrong with me? Am I ugly? Do I smell bad? I tried your potato-down-my-pants trick last Friday; it didn’t work for me, but you still met plenty of women.”
His friend replies, “Ah, yes, I wanted to have a word to you about that. Look, I think you should try it again this Friday, but next time, put the potato down the FRONT of your pants.”
*rolls around having hysterics at my own uproariously sidesplittingly HILARIOUS funny potato joke*
Are you going to be ok?
That would be very uncomfortable!
Is this the kinda potato you wanted? One you have in your pants?
*laughs*
one to have*
NO! (very funny BTW
)
I seriously want that potato sign.
Obviously, the sign means “love me and refrain from stabbing me with a fork and shoving me into a microwave”. You cannot get any clearer than that.
Cover me with butter, sour cream and bacon bits, and clean me off.
Substitute organic, cold-pressed olive oil for the sour cream, and you’ve got a deal.
I do love a good potato. (Oh, some tamari, too!)
Sorry, I could easily eschew the bacon bits, but oh, sour cream… I can manage to content myself with nonfat yogurt instead, but it just doesn’t have that same creamy goodness.
blek! You shouldn’t be thinking about the creamy “goodness” =x
A little loving makes my good spud happy.
That could be a motto for life; I think I’ll embroider it onto a sampler.
I want to meet the World’s No.1 Dirty Man. I’m his no. 1 Fan.
I think I just found the sentiment for my wife’s Valentine’s Day card!
So apples don’t work anymore?
What did the potatoes ever do to warrant such negative affiliations?
I wish they also gave the intended Chinese meanings in the caption or something. I’d probably find it funnier that way.