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I have Hotel New Akao stay, thank you.
I has absent, but cleaned.
If there is it what is it.
Please contact it to the 92nd room service.
Entering a room time 10:00 charge Terui
Hotel New Akao Hause keeping
Submitted by: dunno source via Engrish Funny Submissions
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I can haz absent? I got my but cleaned.
well slap mah fro !
Have you had it cleaned?
‘ If there is it what is it. ‘
Another profound meditation on the meaning of It.
Don’t mess with Confucionists, that’s what I keep saying…
It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less.
The Knights Who Formerly Said Ni would be having conniptions.
It!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHGH! You said the word!!!
The inappropriately gendered? Are you a she, or an IT?
Some people just work in IT.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! You said the word again!!! STOP!!!
To is, or not to is, that is the question.
Frank Zappa reads “Hamlet”?
The man was brilliant, unpredictable, and motivated. No doubt he gave Hamlet a whack, I’d be surprised if he hadn’t.
I’m not picking up after you like your mom. Didn’t you learn, “no sh!t on the floor.”
This one is philosophical.
Is it or is it not? What it is? I don’t know. Absent? I has it.
This makes no sense whatsoever; and yet it says guidance at the top. Another empty promise.
Try reading it from a cat’s perspective.
Ok, I tried that, and she said “bite it!”
ooh, mean kitteh.
Simple but effective solution to pesky pieces of paper.
Ok then, smart kitty.
Unfortunately, if I were to do the same with some of my paperwork, it would really be frowned upon.
Perhaps you could be a cat?
hmmm
I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Cats on this site tend to go extinct. We lost Meowth, SS became an alien and then left. All the other strays didn’t stay long enough for us to get attached to them.
He could be a cat at work.
I think Meowth will be back, he’s a cat after all. I think he found somebody with a fireplace and expensive catfood; but he’ll get tired of it.
See this is when I wish they had pictures.
An image is worth a thousand words. Or at least a million Engrish words.
Yes, I would love to see the pictures that would go with this!
This is obviously the Zen Koan Hotel, whatever the actual name is. “If there is it, what is it?” When you figure that out, the Roshi will be waiting on the 92nd room to hear your answer.
Obviously, “It” is the concept of “there”. I’ll be hanging out with Roshi if anybody needs me.
Then perhaps you can explain how you got “on” the room with him.
A ladder.
Very clever, bluejade. But I am not looking for cleverness! Besides, your koan is, “If there is it, what is it?” Come back when you have looked more deeply and found the answer.
I addressed the problem. You want to get on something, you climb. And it’s not my duck.
I did not see any address in the answer; was it supposed to be e-mail or postal? And the duck IS yours, since your fates are now inextricably linked.
And the time was I got on LOTS of things, but never touched a ladder.
If it were my duck, I’d break the vase.
To break a vase to free your duck is noble. But you will break many vases before any ducks are freed.
Hey, rather than trading koans, why can’t we just find the bastard who is imprisioning these hapless ducks in vases, and make him stop?
Because the ultimate vase is Maya, and trying to find out who is responsible is just a diversion from the process of gaining release.
*mumblegrumble* Fine, you just sit here and keep the duck-imprisoners in business whilst you pontificate about the nature of reality *mumblegrizzlegrumble* I’m going out, and if I find anyone putting REAL ducks in REAL vases, I’m going to be VEXED.
It is as if a man shot with an arrow says, “Well, before you take out the arrow, I must know who shot me.” Not satisfied with the answer, he leaves the hospital to go find archers to beat up on.
He can wait until the arrow has been removed, then go and find the offending person. He doesn’t have to beat up whoever shot him with the arrow, he just has to stop whoever did it from doing it again. Of course, beating the #*%& out of the offending archer would probably work, but that’s beside the point.
I would suggest that it is as if a stream of people come into A&E with arrows sticking out of them, and one of the interns says “If we can find out who’s shooting people full of arrows and make them stop, there will be a halt to the supply of people with arrows sticking out of them. It’s getting crowded in here, and that woman with the kid with the sniffles is getting pretty angry about having to wait”. It’s probably better to send a cop rather than an intern to find an arrow-shooting homicidal maniac, though, they have better equipment and training for That Sort Of Thing.
Oh, and if you try to whack me with your bamboo, I am going to snatch it off you, then take it and use it to whack that unrepentent duck-vaser.
If you can snatch the bamboo out of my hand, then it is time for you to go, Grasshopper. And keep the bamboo. I’ll send you a bill.
Not to worry, these are imaginary ducks.
Okay then, I shall imagine that I am whacking the imaginary duck-vaser with a piece of imaginary bamboo.
…
Actually, that’s quite cathartic, and rather relaxing.
And, <i it's not my duck.
Go figure how that one happened. Maybe it was the ” cranky keyboard” trick.
Maybe the duck walked on the keys? Cats do it all the time.
True!!!
<i ? Oh, I see the point of your triangle.
Of course, if somebody is duck-walking on the keys, maybe it’s Chuck Berry.
The true answer depends on what is there…. <—that is the first answer, or correct interpretation.
The true answer depends upon the question. What is there is irrelevant. *flicks cigar* And how you missed your elephant there, I’ll never know!
Can you feel it ,see it, hear it today?
If you can’t, then it doesn’t matter anyway
You will never understand it cuz it happens too fast
And it feels so good, it’s like walking on glass
It’s so cool, it’s so hip, it’s alright
It’s so groovy, it’s outta sight
You can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
But it makes no difference cuz it knocks you off your feet
You want it all but you can’t have it
It’s cryin’, bleedin’, lying on the floor
So you lay down on it and you do it some more
You’ve got to share it, so you dare it
Then you bare it and you tear it
You want it all but you can’t have it
It’s in your face but you can’t grab it
It’s alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It’s magit, it’s tragic, it’s a loss, it’s a win
It’s dark, it’s moist, it’s a bitter pain
It’s sad it happened and it’s a shame
You want it all but you can’t have it
It’s in your face but you can’t grab it
What – is – it?
It’s it
What is it?…
Well, now we have Engrish rapping. Whatever will we have next?
Possibly another song from Faith No More. Or maybe a picture of a man with a stoat through his head.
Is that what that was? I was going by the simple couplet rhyming scheme and the vague mode of expression when I guessed rap.
Mr. Jones must be the head of the cleaning battalion.
Here’s the rest of the story…
Well, that didn’t go as planned either! Try again.
… This isn’t Engrish! It’s Confucianist lolspeak!
;P
Did you just reply to your on comment?
With a smilie?
Actually, that was an edit… I left it out of my origional comment by mistake, and this site no can haz edit…
There is it, but what is it? Winking with your tongue out?
We in the business refer to that facial expression as the “I really hope this one isn’t my client.”
That was funny, JohnB!!
Hey, don’t mess with him. He’s just a little confucious.
This is just the tip of the iceberg- I have stayed at this place and EvERYTHING is odd in a very good and funny way.
Go on! You have my attention!
Seriously Chris; we’re always interested in this sort of stuff, even when it’s not an Engrish.
Which brings me to my question, Why no pictures? As in you stayed in this hotel where everything is odd in a very good and funny way, and you didn’t share any pictures with us.
If you haz an absent, how can we *tell* that you are cleaned?
Maybe they went to that communist employee cleaning place.
Hello, room service? So where do you keep the Hause? I can’t find one anywhere.
At last… a Surrealist Cleaning Brigade. It is what it is. And obviously they have 91 others like it. Waiting for them to come and clean my Hause.
i see a new website in the making – LOLhotelz!
The funny thing is that I can imagine the exact Japanese this was translated from just by seeing the English.
This is the riddle the Spinix should have asked Edip, not that ‘in the morning i have 4 legs, in the noon i have 2…’ rubbish.
This is the riddle the Spinix should have asked Edip, not that ‘in the morning i have 4 legs, in the noon i have 2…’ rubbish.
Is it me or does that sound like a lul cat wrote it? lol
How would you know that a lolcat didn’t write this, hmmm?