Watch your step on even surfaces
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Submitted by: trinafoo2 via Engrish Funny Submissions
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What ballet school did you go to??
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O.O I’m not last.
We all know how those even surfaces can be tricky some times.
Especially when intoxicated
How the heck can you intoxicate a surface?
Throw toxic at it?
Honestly, Officer, I’m not drunk, it’s the floor! Tricky lil’ bast@rd keeps moving!
According to Billy Connolly, where he came from the test was this: if you can lie on the floor without having to hold on, you are not too drunk.
Some people lie even when they’re not on the floor. Especially after having cake.
Yeah, when you’re on odd surfaces you know to keep your eye on them, but the even ones are the ones that’ll trick you.
That even surface looks a little odd…
actually, that warning would apply to me… i trip over the air.
Oops, you beat me to it.
The air is becoming thicker with time.
ok we will not fall off of air, BTW Hpayp Enw Eyra
And Happy New Year
wishing that it will bring peace, joy and luck for everyone
Okay, this was moderated, so I’ll try again, looking for possibly offensive words…
Some of us are doomed not to be able to walk or dance gracefully on even surfaces. When I was 5 years old, my mother dragged me off to b@llet lessons (despite the fact that any sensible parent would’ve taken one look at me and thought “hammer throw” or “shotput” and dragged me off to Little Athletics instead) – I was going to learn the feminine traits of poise, beauty and grace, if it killed me. One day, the teacher (of whom the entire class of 5-year-olds was terrified) announced to me, after yet another failure to hop along as lightly as a little f@iry bunny, “I do not think we are ever going to make a f@iry bunny of you, my girl, because in this life, you are one of the elephants”. That’s some heavy sh!t to lay on a 5-year-old kid. I’ve been terrified of b@llerinas ever since.
Sorry, but my mind went here.
I think you just gave us an insight into why you like wearing leather.
I was never that graceful. I never progressed far enough to graduate to a tutu.
Since it’s a blue moon, maybe this will cheer you up.
Well, did you at least make it into a oneone?
And they can wear all the leather they want!!!
Oops, I wanted that to go next to la conejita’s comment.
It’s ok, I don’t mind reading a few posts above mine.
*insert secks joke here*
“My First Boyfriend”
Oh Handle dear, are you coming back to bed?
plz. do not say anything like this on my pictures!
That was a creepy thing to say to a kid!!
I got pressured in to a ballet class as a young adult, my choice had been for jazz. I loved to dance, yet the class was torture. I felt like a failure the entire time. It has affected my ability to enjoy watching performances.
Well, looking on the bright side, you did turn out to be the Dreadful Pun Hell Fairy.
The school of Hard Knocks
… has no doorbell.
You will know it’s there after it has tried it.
The sign on the door around the corner says: Unauthorised staff only.
Watch my step even on surfaces…?
Well, if you’re no longer on any surface, I’m afraid it’s too late to watch your step.
But don’t worry. Chances are very good that you will again be on a surface shortly.
Gravity sucks.
I always thought it was a vacuum that sucks.
Gravity sucks downward, vacuum is indiscriminate.
‘Downward” is, of course, a relative concept, since the direction we Americans call “down” is the same direction the Australians would call “up.” Gravity sucks towards areas of maximum mass; vacuum sucks towards areas of minimum pressure.
So you admit that gravity sucks?
Well, on those occasions when I have made contact with a surface at a high rate of speed, I certainly would have been inclined to agree with you.
Ok. Here’s my chance. For you down under, which way does the water water spin when it goes down the drain? Do you have any idea how many bullsh!t arguments have been built around this?
The actual answer, in case anyone is interested, is that the direction water travels spinning down the drain is more significantly impacted by the shape of the drain than by coriolis forces, which are minimal on such a small scale. Nonetheless if you have a perfectly level and even drain basin, water will tend to swirl clockwise in the northern hemisphere, counterclockwise in the southern hemisphere. It is easy to demonstrate for yourself how weak the coriolis forces are by manually resetting the direction in which the draining water spins, and watching it spin in whatever direction you push it.
So at the equator, it goes straight down?
If you have a very large vessel of perfectly hemispherical geometry and a very large volume of water that has been allowed to settle for many hours, yes. Otherwise, it depends on the shape of the sink/bowl/loo.
Check this out.
OK, DNT, throw me a fish!!
It was hard to walk on a flat stable surface after being at sea on a small ship with a high roll rate for months.
On EVEN surfaces? I usually try to just step on sunshine and cats, but I suppose if you insist…
It’s supposed to say Watch your step–uneven surfaces.
As jklinders says at “Hell Yea! 50 Dollars!” (December 29, 2009, first comment):
An inevitable consequence of combining bureaucracy with spell check…sigh
see oddlyspecific.com/2009/12/hell-yea-50-dollars/
You are free to run heedlessly on all odd surfaces, however.
What kind of care should be taken on vertical surfaces?
I don’t care for vertical surfaces.
If you don’t care for your vertical surfaces, they will corrode and eventually become horizontal surfaces.
That would be great. I’ve always wanted more open space in my house.
I suspect it would be not so great during the winter.
That’s when we crank up the heater.
Here is something I never got:
It’s getting hot in here > take off your clothes(regardless of your sex)
It’s getting cold in here > have a women take off her clothes, which ‘turns up the heat’
This doesn’t seem right, anyone understand this?
Whether a woman removing her clothes will turn up the heat depends in large part upon the woman.
And the temperature of her large parts.
That reminds me of the answer to a mother who yells: “Shut that door- it’s cold outside!” Answer: “How will that make it warmer outside?”
I wasn’t really thinking about secks when I wrote that comment.
But yes, if I removed my clothes my husband would start to get hot and I would start to get cold. Which is when we move to step 2 to increase my body temperature.
With scissors?
Sure, why not. As long as you are not running towards me, go out and run freely with the scissors in your hand.
I worry about la conejita’s kids…..
Don’t worry about them, Dr Handle lives very far away from me, so she won’t be able to harm my kids.
*zing!*
I’ve been watching my step for some time now. It’s gotten to be boring, now I get to watch your step.
In Soviet Russia steps watch-
*falls*
In Soviet Russia, steppes are even.
Only a true twi-hard (such as my self) could understand that this sign is make specifically for Isabella Marie Swan. But She Prefers Bella. Uncultured people and your epic fails and such. Bleh. Anyone else get it? No? please? eh what ev
I, for one, have no clue.
Perhaps you could tell us?
OK, I googled the name. There’s no shame in not knowing about her. It’s a Twilight ref. The more I read about those movie, the less I want to see them.
Was forced to watch the movie thanks to my friends. Think Clockwork Orange. For the love of everything shiny, do NOT engage in watching this series.
On the same note. He lives in the woods and he sparkles…he’s a fairy, not a vampire.
I too was forced to sit through this piece of dross. By halfway through, I wanted to put wooden stakes through ALL of them. Starting with Bella. Where the hell is Blade when you need him?
Huh? Similar to Clockwork Orange? That was a classic. Haven’t seen it in a very long time, (like thirty-four years) but it remember walking away with the feeling that was a Big Movie.
It was a “big movie,” based upon Anthony Burgess’s novel that went fairly deep into aspects of philosophy, particularly the conflict between behaviorism and free will. The violent scenes were regarded, at the time, as being shockingly graphic; these days they would be considered small potatoes.
So where’s the parallels between the Twilight movies and Clockwork Orange?
One Hand Clapping was another very good Burgess!
I recall the translation into Engrish, “Hand Crappin’.”