Bye Bye STD
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Submitted by: dunno source via Engrish Funny Submissions
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I don’t see anything funny with Subscriber Trunk Dialling.
I find some humor in “Dialling.” (Here in Kentucky, that SHOULD be a word, as in, “When you’re dialing a household without the intention of getting a specific member, you know, just to ‘dial y’all.’”) And in the fact that I didn’t expect anyone to point this meaning out until at least the fifth or sixth poster, since we only had this pointed out, oh I think the final count was 3,427 times, the last time we had an item about STD.
Do they have touch pads on cell phones there, or do you have to spin the crank to get an operator at central?
Don’t know about them thar folks down in Kaintuck, but up over heah we all use them new-fangled thangs.
Them tin cans and strang work purty darned good.
‘cept when the goat gets out. Then we gits some static…
Out west, the phone company has a service to use phone voltage to electrify fence. Any time you need to make a phone call, you just hook the line set to the fence and dial. The static is from cows scratching their backs on the posts.
Seriously?
Absolutely! By the way, would you like to buy a bridge?
Brooklyn?
Actually the Ben Franklin is pretty cool, too.
I represent a group with a large and valuable portfolio of investments. The recent budget overruns and tax collection restrictions may delay payments from the State of California and put us in a position of possibly being unable to meet bond obligations or gain refinancing. We have chosen to liquidate a key asset. I am able to offer, to you, the I-80 Oakland Bay Bridge. Google it with a query of : map, Treasure Island, Ca.
We own the foundation and the bottom deck. When it was engineered, they overbuilt it for earthquake resistance and it has stood up quite well with only repairable damage and not catastrophic collapse. The top deck was added later when traffic exceeded saturation limits. The critical nature of this connection necessitated the construction of a parallel bridge included in this deal, and will be opening soon. Our revenues come from the leasing of the bridge and the leasing and revenue sharing of the upper deck, collected from people coming from Oakland into San Francisco. We were not able to generate an adequate revenue stream from people wanting to go from San Francisco to Oakland, however there is structure in place to restore toll collection plazas in both directions. Electronic RFID toll collection has made toll collection even easier. Guaranteed money comes in when the lights flash from people driving by.
Think about it, but not for too long. I like you and think that this is an opportunity made just for you by the fates. When word gets out about this, you would never survive the bidding war and dirty politics that will ensue. I need your best offer and there isn’t much time.
Toll collection? Can hardly wait…
I am offering 5 internets and two kittehs, no, no, make that 10 internets and 3 feral cats.
This pitch has probably already been made, word for word… PG. that is scarily realistic, you’re pretty good!
He is good. Almost had me there for a moment with the electric phone-call fence and cows.
After all you never know with them thar folks out west, and dothca even get started on cows…..
Not bad, as good as some of the genuine fraudsters’ email I’ve seen.
“Hello, Sarah? Can you get me Aunt Bee in Mumbai?”
….”dialing” IS a word…?
Most STD’s can use penicillin as mushrooms on their morning omelet.
It looks like that guy is trying to catch it. “STD — don’t go!”
Reminds me of some bar scenes around closing time.
Dear heaven, YES! I found, in those days, that 2 a.m. was the perfect time to chat up some guy that looked like the Plague poster boy.
I always knew I’d had a really fine night when I found myself wondering, first thing in the morning, not, “Who is she,” but, “What species is this?”
Oh, lol!
The lol’s are killing me today. I pulled a muscle yesterday and I am finding that when I laugh today my back arm/shoulder muscle spasms. This is really painful, I am trying really hard not to laugh.
Ouch.
But there is no cure for herpes…
http://theslackerz.com/index.php?nav=Comic&Page=7
funny!!
Hmmmmm…..nice!
I feel sorry for that guy. But then again he’s the one looking for a ho.
Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas?
Well he certainly did get a gift from her that will last him forever.
Remember: herpes is for life, not just for Christmas.
Awwww….how sweet!
I am now thanking God that we met here, and not in my office. I don’t think I have enough years left.
I know. If your wife came to visit you in the office, you’d be screwed.
Hey, getting screwed at the office sounds like a great fantasy. If it’s his wife doing the screwing to him, there’s no harm since he’s not cheating.
Yes, well since I work in a residential facility, and there are residents and staff 24/7/365, and not only do several coworkers but cleaning staff have keys to my office, I think it best that remain in the realm of fantasy.
But don’t worry, Jinxed. Our institution is as dysfunctional as most human service/public health organizations, which means that people are always getting screwed at the office! I don’t get screwed nearly as often as the direct care staff, and when I do, I’m much better paid for it than they are, so like a true pro I learned many years ago to grin and bear it.
Since when did prostitutes work in offices?
There will come a time when you realize that all jobs are really a form of prostitution, one way or another.
When I looked over my comment, I realized I had made a pun unintentionally. LOL!
I only recognize the power of true demigods, such as Santa Claus and the Dreadful Pun Hell Fairy.
Besides which, you are easily outranked.
Poor Popesie!!
Depoped or depooped?
I think he’s just too pooped to pope.
Demigod Dreadful Pun Hell fairy sees what you said there.
I’m sick of these calling plans.
I never plan my calls. They’re all spontaneous.
I never call my plans. They never call me back.
Because they never plan to call you.
But then they would do it spontaneously, in which case I’d have a spontaneous plan, which is obviously a contradiction in terms.
The oxymoron of calling plans. Is that a bundle?
Well, there used to be a bundle of them Oxy-morons around here, and there are still a few, but the idiots on Oxycontin have lately been surpassed by the Meth bozos, who are all over the place.
Meh
Why do we keep getting these STD jokes. Thats Subscriber Trunk Dialling….and it ain’t that funny
As was pointed out above, this was pointed out before. And you even have the same spelling! How cute
You say dialing, I say dialling. Now that think about it, it’s been quite a while since I did either, and I can’t remember *when* I last saw a phone with a dial.
I wonder if this is a UK-American thing. I seem to vaguely recall that besides the superfluous U’s there were also some extra L’s common to British usage.
I dunno.. I’m neither a UK nor a US resident, so I get to make up my own mind. Generally prefer UK spelling though..
Dialling is the usual spelling in Australia, or it used to be. That could be changing slowly.
Enough budget cut-backs, and you guys won’t be so free with your letters!
Between federal and state budget crunches, I expect that before long our official language at my workplace is going to be Hawaiian, so that we can get by largely without our consonants. To beat the rush, I’ve transformed my name to its anticipated near-future form…
With your new name you could be a performance artist! Would you like to create an installation for our neo-Modern Museum?
Sure. Which of my many home runs would you like to feature?
I just disconnected one in a house having phone line problems. It was full of spider webs that would start conducting, act like an answering phone, and not disconnect.
I was wishing I had one when I moved, 20-odd years ago, into an area of West Virginia where, when they hooked up our phone line, they didn’t put in tone service automatically. (You had to actually specifically request it!) Until they got it switched, I had to learn to dial a phone by hitting the flash button fairly rapidly the number of times I needed for each number. (No, I am not making this up!)
Secret Agent Maxwell Smart’s shoe phone had a dial.
Because some people find it funny? Der! If you don’t, well, Bye Bye Ben Dover.
Yes, by all means, Ben, join your sister Eileen on the cliff.
How about off the cliff? *pushes eileen off the cliff* Dr. Handle, care to join?
Finally, FINALLY, somebody has been listening to me faffing on about Using Protection!
did you ever say anything about a Hot Air Balloon?
Yes, please, let’s all talk about Hot Air Balloons! Believe me, I’m a well known expert on Hot Air! In fact, I am soon to be hosting my own Reality TV show, “Unguided Random Crappy Hot Air Balloon Rides,” in which people volunteer to take rides in random directions in hot air balloons made by me personally out of tin foil, duct tape, and helium. Oh, don’t worry, they’ll all be wearing tin foil hats for protection. So tune in! It’ll be, heh heh, the ride of your life! Or at least theirs…
SORRY, FOLKS, BILLY MAYS HERE TO LEND RICHARD A HAND. HE FORGOT TO ADD THE TAG LINE OF HIS NEW SHOW, SO I WILL. “AT LEAST IT WON’T COST YOU YOUR LIFE TO WATCH! BUT WILL IT COST THEIRS??” TUNE IN SUNDAY EVENINGS ON THE FANCYCRAP NETWORK! (Check your local listings for availability.)
Haven’t you seen Billy Mays pitch suicide putty? I think it already cost him his life.
No matter how you do it, suicide is never putty.
That’s not the kind of balloon you need to use to prevent STD, and it’s not hot air you put in it!
In fact, in order to be used properly, you’re not supposed to let any air in.
Gee, and I always thought you blew them up before putting them on, so you’d look so much larger! And then I wondered why, when doing it, we’d hear all these farting noises…
You didn’t wonder why you couldn’t feel anything but the breeze?
Well, back when I was having casual secks, I liked to keep it breezy.
For all the people looking for STD’s- wait this isn’t it.
When looking at the top right corner it states – idea.
Not the real thing.
Yet.
! right
You are right, it’s !dea.
!A !dea might be more fun than a regular idea!
I saw that after a fair amount of squinting.
Fortunately, I escaped having had anything to do with them, but from what I hear, the DEA is not a lot of fun. Putting an exclamation point out in front is probably best.
Lol, Bye STD(Sexual Transmitted Disease)
STD here means “Standard Trunk Dialing” (Long Distance calls). and IDEA is a Cell Phone provider
It’s not ‘engrish’ when its an abbreviation that stands for something else they intended. Enough with the STD fails please
XD. Its called contraceptives.