Water is the most precious friend of mankind
Carefully Slide
Submitted by: ChristaZee via Engrish Funny Submissions
Above a sink at a hotel in Shanghai
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Sweet! A Slip ‘n Slide must be close by.
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But sliding carefully takes all the fun out of it!
Waterslides: Bigger, better, faster, more!
bigger better faster stronger.
Carefully slide with Astroglide
of course you have to slide carefully. The water is my precious, I tell you, my preciooooooooouuuuuuusssss! *crawls back under a damp rock*
What have I got in my pockets?
String?
Lint? (Optionally, evil lint?)
Wrong and wrong (and very pleased he’s wearing new trousers today).
Keys? Money? Credit Cards? Gum? Candy? Mice?
Dark? Anyway, if it’s in new trousers, I hope it:
… cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.
*sigh* If only all men would learn to fart like this.
And dogs.
Veterinary trivia: dogs fart silently. It’s to do with the arrangement of their GI tracts; a quadruped’s GI tract hangs from the rib cage parallel with the ground (and to the force of gravity), whereas the direction of, ahem, motion for the human GI tract is from top-to-bottom. Dogs don’t get the same sort of pressurisation effects, because their guts work along rather than down. If a dog is farting with an audible “ththththtrrrrp” sound, it may be an indicator or some pathological change.
The smell that dogs are able to generate, though, is something else entirely. I suppose they have to pong so that you know they’ve done it. Otherwise, what’s the point? Actually, I wonder if those charcoal biscuits from the pet shop work on husbands too…
Our dog makes a whistling sound, gives you about a four second warning. Then she wonders why you are swearing and gagging.
How ever did you manage to train her to do that??
Operant conditioning; works every time!
Ah, if only it did, my life would be SO much easier…
Work on your timing and use better treats.
If you want to teach your dog to whistle while farting, you have to go the distance!
Okay. So what’s the distance between a whistle and a fart?
That explains why my dog’s farts are not silent while he is sleeping on his side.
I thought the sound was generated by sphincter muscle tone and resonant frequency. (Wow, what a title for a graduate study thesis. It screams FUND ME! Ignoble Prize here I come.)
I reckon you could get a PhD, a post-doc and a gaggle of honours students out of that topic.
Maybe it’s worthy of its own credential, a DF, a Doctor of Flatulence. I have heard, by the way, that the major source of air pollution in New Zealand is sheep flatulence.
And that type of gas is no laughing matter.
N2O about it!
Wormhole to another universe?
He did say the pants were new, there may not be any of those types of holes yet.
Still too early for the mice, then.
It’s a trick question right? You’re not wearing any pants!
yes you called me?
Ice skating rinks are more obligated to work with gravity than you.
Yes, you should slide water carefully when above the sink.
Underneath the sink…well that’s another matter.
And when above the sink, definitely no tap dancing!
Water is the most precious friend to man, except for the one who’s c0ck is being stepped on to get it.
I kind of think oxygen is the most precious friend to man, since we can’t live but a few minutes without it, while we can go a few days without water. But hey, at least oxygen doesn’t require any c0ck-stepping.
Or fondling of any kind. Wait, unless the Invisible Man is disguised as oxygen and has been watching us while we undress and take a shower.
If the Invisible Man were disguised as oxygen, in what way would he look different?
I don’t know! If he’s the invisible man, I can’t see him.
So it seems to reason that if the Invisible Man wears any disguise, it must render him visible, since a disguise is, by definition, a change in appearance.
Yes, but if he dresses up as Oxygen, then he will remain invisible.
I prefer my oxygen undressed, thank you.
All praise to the Almighty Garden Filter, provider of clean water to sustain our plants! I’m certainly not going to waste it on slip’n'slide for some ungrateful little wretches… ackshully, in most parts of mainland Australia, you’d probably be shot for setting up a slip’n'slide at the moment, what with the drought and water restrictions. Unless you used it with Vegemite rather than water.
Vegemite Slip ‘n’ Slide! By jove, I think you’ve got an idea here that perhaps you ought to patent.
Kids sliding down the chute on slices of toast?
But please don’t call it iSlides. I think that one’s already taken, anyway.
That would stick to my fur. I don’t like it.
Would it make you furious?
It would make me Furrious!
And if you slide down fast, that would make you:
The Fast and Furious.
No, the Fast and the Furriest!
It actually says water is a precious friend! that is the funny part