« Previous Damn, I really need a glass of water! | Is this some kind of code or something? Next »
Compliance with Japanese GMP Standard
Tightens Vagina Expert
Improve elasticity loss of pelvic and vaginal flaccid muscles after giving birth to baby or getting older.
Submitted by: king via Engrish Funny Submissions
 | Procrastinateher on The All-American Ice Cream… |
 | Pika on Right Tastes So Wrong |
 | Zell Dincht on Seriously False Advertisi… |
| Zell Dincht on Gibberish and Hard to Read?… |
| Zell Dincht on Please, I Am Not A Potato |
 | LoL.Lawliet on Right Tastes So Wrong |
 | ShadowSplicer on Fresh Crap |
| Zell Dincht on Does Not Seem Like A Good… |
| Zell Dincht on Does Not Seem Like A Good… |
| ShadowSplicer on The Illegal Nike Motto |
Cheezburger Network Blog
Worst. Gift. Ever.
Or best. gift. EVA!!!!!!!(probly not)
The ironic thing here is that, even if it works a treat, the man who gives this to a woman is never, ever, EVER going to experience the benefits.
Eighth!!
8 is a composite number, its proper divisors being 1, 2, and 4. It is twice 4 or four times 2. Eight is a power of two, being 23 (two cubed), and is the first number of the form p3. It has an aliquot sum of 7 in the 4 member aliquot sequence (8,7,1,0) being the first member of 7-aliquot tree. It is symbolized by the Arabic numeral (figure) 8.
All powers of 2 ;(2x), have an aliquot sum of one less than themselves.
Eight is the first number to be the aliquot sum of two numbers other than itself; the discrete biprime 10, and the square number 49.
8 is the base of the octal number system, which is mostly used with computers. In octal, one digit represents 3 bits. In modern computers, a byte is a grouping of eight bits, also called an octet.
The number 8 is a Fibonacci number, being 3 plus 5. The next Fibonacci number is 13. 8 is the only Fibonacci number that is a perfect cube.[1]
Well, well well! I like the use of the number eight. Very good, m’boy!
So then in reality, the man who gives this gift to the woman is REALLY giving a gift to the man after him.
It’s a gift that goes on giving.
exactly or you can sneak into your wife’s workplace swap out her secret santa gift with this and nobody get’s hurt except the guy sued for sexual harrassment
And who cares about him!!??
And I’m sure your wife would say, hey, I was given this weird gift by this awful guy at work whom I’m going to sue for sexual harassment, and we’ll need it as evidence when it comes to trial, but I’ll go ahead and use it anyway, since I know I’m flabby as a sea cow down there, and what’s more important, the $1.2 million I’m suing him for, or your pleasure, dear? I’m sure that’s just what my wife would say, if she were REPLACED BY A POD-CUCUMBER FROM THE PLANET I-Q-ZERO!!!
I wonder if any woman try this product… *Legal Warning: Your vagina might disfunction after applying that thing.
“Compliance with Japanese GMP Standard”
They have STANDARDS for that?
I’m sorry, this is serously weirding me out.
^i^
I wonder how they measure if she is tight enough, or not.
As read on Yahoo Answers: put your hands inside your vagina. If you can clap, then you’re not tight enough.
And if it echoes after you clap?
Rent it out for parties.
OMG! That girl is Dolby Surround certified!!!
But enough about Paris Hilton…eh, never mind. That joke’s old.
I’m not that surprised; the Japanese take producing products to increase mutual enjoyment of what they call “pillow time” very seriously.
It’s a shame there’s no indication of exactly what the product is. Could be simply an appropriately shaped object for insertion, so that the woman can tell if she’s doing the exercises correctly.
I should have googled first. The product is actually a herbal remedy, in capsules. Why you need to be naked to swallow them is anybody’s guess.
Is there anything that being naked DOESN’T help?
Frying food!
Fashion shows!
Ever seen “Pret a Porter”?
No, but if that were the way fashion shows actually went, I might actually attend.
Belt sanding
No, they’d just be wearing their birthday suits
that would hurt. ooch.
Feeding orphan calves!
Apiary.
Apiary…NICE!!
There is nothing to “tighten expert” except by exercising the muscle group. Maybe it is a male enhancement herbal supplement. Usually a loose fit indicates something is undersized.
Hold on, folks! This thing doesn’t tighten vaginas; it tightens ” Vagina Experts.” There is a subtle yet crucial difference!!
Wonder what it would do to vagina neophytes?
They never walk again.
Titan Uranus?
Do we need to get the product anal-ysed?
Those puns are getting old.
Don’t worry; we recycle!
And reuse.
It’s good for the Engrish environment.
Think of the Chirdlen!
I’m 100% sure this is NOT a Japanese product. Because I can see some Chinese words and some letters that Japanese don’t use on the package.
So can I.
The Pizza I had for lunch yesterday gave the list of ingredients (basically flour, water, tomatoes, salami and mushrooms) in about 30 different languages, including several using Cyrillic script, 2 using Kanji, and Sanscrit and Arabic.
That’s some seriously multi-lingual pizza!
I’d call it a pizza de resistance.
The statement was true; The company sells frozen pizzas (in the same boxes) across the whole of Europe, and some of the Middle East, so they needed to do that with the list of ingredients. They just used pictograms with temperatures and times on them for cooking instructions.
Why does it say “Compliance with Japanese GMP Standard”? Just asking…
GMP. It’s short for gimp.
No, silly, it obviously stands for, “Grip My Penis,” the standard against which all women are measured, and against which they invariably fall short.
Short? Here I was thinking width was the problem…
Well, they fall short by a wide margin.
I am 100% sure this IS a Japanese products. Because I can see hiragana which are letters that Japanese only use.
And it’s covered in Hiragana(which is a japanese only syllibrae)+ the japanese got there written language from the chinese, so they use most chinese ideographs(kanji)
I see a little katakana as well. Yep, Japanese.
Can you actually read Japanese or are you just guessing by the type of script used?
By that standard anyone in front of a Japanese computer can type Japanese…
It’s a Chinese product faked to look like a Japanese one because Japan is “hip” in China.
Maybe they’re exploring a wider market and releasing this across Asia now.
Yeah, I dunno.
I think they are trying to thighten that market.
“Thighten”–is that when you clench tightly between the upper legs?
I think you didnt get the joke.
I think I did, but if what I thought was a typo was an additional pun, maybe I’m too tight this morning.
Then maybe you should loosen up a bit. Wait, would that be a different product?
I hope you didn’t take the TVE pills?
Go to Thigh Land and you might see it…
Superthighs me!
Does Superthighs wear a cape and fly around?
Yes! I’ve seen her flying around a pole.
How supthighsing!
I sympathize.
Semper thigh!
Wow! You have such a hot semper! Why don’t you go cool off for a bit?
Maybe I’ve got a case of dystemper.
Take some penicillin.
engrish fail
*thighten
It does seem rather obvious that they’re after a wider market.
they are trying to close the gap with their competition XD
I notice your name is tightening up.
oh darn I’m still trying to get the kinks out
How long have you been holding them prisoner?
He isn’t. He is trying to free them!
From what?
From wherever they are being held! Maybe eve from oppression!
Does Eve from oppression often take rock bands prisoners?
There was an n there the last time I looked… I think Eve from Oppression took it prisoner, too.
I love the Kinks!
Are they similar to the Kinki Kids?
speaking of them ….
http://www.engrish.com/2005/05/dvd-jacket/
Ask Lola.
It’s definitely Japanese. The two kanji right next to the woman’s elbow mean Japan.
I can see some hiragana and katakana tho
Chinese herbs in a Japanese product.
Just find a guy with a bigger dong?
If I were looking for someone tighter than my wife, this wouldn’t be the direction I’d be inclined to go.
Nothing is tighter than a “Tight end”…. Or so I am told.
Yeah, but after a long stint as a tight end, they become wide receivers.
The expert is on the right side of the frame and she is holding the other end of his lovely. He is the reason that the product exists.
That’s why motorcycles can be so much better than men; if you are unsatisfied with the one you have, it’s no hassle at all to take it to the dealership and trade it in on something with a bigger bore and a longer stroke…
And I was thinking that motorcycles were better than women;
They never complain when you want to come first, or if you take your friend’s motorcycle for a ride, or if you have more than one motorcycle on the go at a time…
Motorcycles don’t make puerile comments when you dress in leather; you and your bike always arrive together; if you don’t particularly feeling like going for a ride, they don’t angrily demand an explanation then sulk; if they’re too noisy, you can fit a different exhaust system, or just hit the kill switch; they don’t get cranky about having their performance discussed at the pub; they don’t mind hiding under a tarp in the garage when your grandmother comes to visit; your uptight parents won’t throw a fit just because you happen to like a black one; the first time you take a new motorcycle home it doesn’t immediately rush back down to the dealership to tell all the other motorcycles about the ride; it doesn’t expect you to stay home and mind the minibikes whenever it wants to go out; and it doesn’t flush the loo when you’re in the shower, or leave the seat up.
“…shower, or” bitch about you sometimes leaving the seat up.” Let’s face it; we can both play this game with various objects or substances until everyone is bored of us, and it won’t change the fact that we’d happily live with the right partner of the opposite sex for evermore.
So you’d go for something that gets you there faster and produces more noise from the rear end??
No accounting for tastes.
Why is this Engrish? It’s exactly what it says on the box.
So then the box contains a “tightens vagina expert”? Must be a pretty small expert to fit in the box.
It tightened the vagina expert so much that he/she fit in the box.
You could be right. That’s literally what it says it does!
Prince Charles must be SO jealous…
Schrodinger’s twat?
Schrodinger’s pussy!
because there wasa small mistake and everybody at engrish just seems to want to talk about vaginas
Well, we can’t all afford tickets to go and see The Vagina Monologues, so we’ll put on our own show right here!
A small mistake? Perhaps compared to “First on the Moon,” but a box of “Tightens Vagina Expert” is ever-so-clearly Engrish.
I think this would be a hit in the US.
“Tired of your wife’s old floppy vag? Wanna feel like you’re banging the sh*t out of a teenager again? Don’t be a pedophile and an adulterer! Instead, try this new product, straight from the sexperts in Japan!”
Take it from this happy customer, Steve from Titehole, Virginia: “Even after 6 kids, my wife feels like the first time we did it! Hell better than that since she was a dirty, dirty slut when we met.”
“And if you act now and you’re one of our next 20 callers we’ll throw in this complimentary box of “Tighten Anus Expert” for free! That’s right! An additional $$$$$45 value, completely free! Call now! Our vagina experts are standing by!”
“My wife and I have been married for 40 years now. We have been having such null times in bed lately, as she got loosen too much. But thanks to “Tighten Vagina Expert” her vagina got as tight as her virginity days. Although I still need to close my eyes to dream about some hot chick, not to see the saggy-baggy tits and ultra fat ass she got, TVE worked for us pretty well so far after using 4 boxes. Thank you TVE, you saved “her” sex life!”
And even though when you say it, it’s funny, but I think this IS exactly what you are talking about.
If you read the description it says:
“Improve elasticity loss of pelvic and vaginal flaccid muscles after giving birth to baby or getting older”
If the product tightens the vaginal muscles, then why is the picture on the box of a naked butt?
As a tribute to the Titan Uranus.
Simple confusion.
Perhaps putting a naked vagina on the box would be classified as obscene, but putting a naked butt on one would not.
they’re real anal about that over in Japan
That’s probably why Oral Roberts was never big there.
That’s why they called him “Oral” Roberts.
I wonder where you can pursue a Doctor of Vaginology degree…
It’s called gynaecology. Sometimes I feel like I’m actually a gynaecologist, because I find myself working with c***s all day.
I know what you mean. Sometimes I felt like I was a proctologist.
When I was mulling over possible careers in high school, my mother suggested dentistry, since of course dentists tend to do well. I told her I didn’t want to look in people’s mouths all my life. Little did I know that oftentimes people’s mouths are much cleaner than their minds!
You should get Mike Rowe to come help you out on “Dirty Jobs”
I was once invited to a bachelorette party, where they brought in a woman to show a LOT of sexual toys and lotions, etc. I don’t remember seeing this one there. Or unless, I did see it and then someone erased my memory of what happened that night.
I think TVE results with ultra-long term memory loss. Poor girl.
Or maybe lucky girl, depending on what I forgot.
Yea he might have been as fat as a cow. Still Poor lucky -also thight- girl.
I don’t think strippers are fat as cows. So AGAIN, LUCKY GIRL!
And yes, preety tight.
Pretty Tight.
But are you thight?
No. I am not a thight girl.
Engrish is my third language, so I interpreted captain’s word thight as tight.
Smell of Tight Thight in the morning. PRICELESS.
It has been known for someone, specifically a Mr jack Daniels, a Mr Pierre Smirnoff or a Mr Johnny Walker, to erase memories of batchelor(ette) parties!
I am familiar with all those so-called gentlemen, and let me tell you, they can erase memories of whole periods of your life, if you get too friendly with them! In fact, they can erase more than just memories, including money, cars, homes, marriages, and even lives. They are quite convivial as occasional acquaintances, but don’t become best buds with any of them.
Got it. I am not friends with them and don’t plan to be friends with them.
I prefer a piña colada or a sex on the beach.
Go gor good wine…ora mudslide? Been nipping at the single malt?
well, there IS an invention for everything!:s
It’s obvious what this is – inside this box is a large bottle of whisky to give to a gynaecologist, perhaps as a ‘break the ice’ present at a Pap smear appointment; it’s a very large bottle, guaranteed to get him or her tight. Hopefully after your appointment.
Men keep taking “herbal supplements” for “male enhancement”
Women use products for “vaginal tightening”
Result:If one keeps getting bigger and the other keeps getting smaller,eventually it won’t go in.
Birth control by frustration, so very now!
But then the sales of condoms and birth control pills will lower. The condom companies will go out of business, forcing them to leave thousands of people out of work. The unemployment rate will go up. People will loose their houses….I need a breath.
“People will loose* their houses” – leading to the resurrection of the herds of wild houses sweeping majestically across the prairies during their annual migration from Michegan to Florida!
*Don’t worry; I do this sort of thing to native English speakers who make the same mistake all the time too.
Why are they running from Mich Egan? Is he in the demolition business?
*Don’t worry; I do this sort of thing to native English speakers who make the same mistake all the time too.
Try “Michigan”.
You win.
What’s my petard up to with that rope? Oh, it’s hoisting me!
If your petard hoists you, it will be done with an explosive charge rather than a rope. Messier and louder, but a lot more entertaining for the spectators.
A petard can be a weapon, rather than the explosive charge, so you can see why I thought that was a daft saying when I first heard it.
I suppose the sense of “hoist” is as in “thrown upward” by the explosion, if the thing went off before you had time to beat a hasty enough retreat to a minimum safe distance – this must’ve happened often enough for the original saying to come into being and be used in a literal sense. Without the explosive charge, a petard would just be rather an ugly door or wall ornament. I suppose you could use it as a knocker, or maybe to frighten away Jehovah’s Witnesses…
That’s the original etymology of the saying yes. The problem is that some time in the 20th Century a petard also became a type of mortar, and that was the context I first heard of a petard in, so you see why I’d be confused?
On what charge should we try Michigan? Grand Rapids larceny?
Some people may think it’s a myth, but it is true that there is a filter in the system that takes away some letters from posts, other times it gives you an extra letter. Other times it switches i’s for e’s like in your case.
I think it’s a plot of the system to make us look stupid.
I thought you’d enjoy the image of the migratory herds of houses!
As long as they don’t start feeding on the steamboats. The schooners are already cutting their numbers to dangerous lows…
I’ll be fine unless they start in on the sloops!
The sloops can take care of themselves. It’s the houseboats you have to watch out for.
I beg your pardon; you claim to be a cat. But until people start singing of the sloop “Meowth,” kindly don’t claim to speak for watercraft!
Yes, but are you going to be able to go home if the house is migrating at the time?
That is what you have to watch out for!
In a tough economy, I can’t take a vacation, but my house gets to take a trip to Florida?
It’s migrating for the Winter; that’s a natural lifecycle, not a vacation!
I feel that I should be with my house during this important part of its lifecycle.
I will check in in a few weeks and might be writing from my laptop sitting by the beach.
Sorry. I’m just a bit wary because a sloop tried to eat me once.
Perhaps you have me confused with a spool.
If I thought you were a spool, I would have used you to sew my cosplay by now.
But I don’t want to get used by you.
Move along.
We have reached the pinnacle of invention. After this, anything new is superfluous.
Pretty sure this is a Chinese product pretending to be Japanese by throwing in the hiraganas and katakanas. I can read both languages and the phrases without any hiraganas and katakanas on there are indeed in Chinese, not in Japanese.
It’s just lemon juice. =D
Hm…After reading the 100 comments made before you this was very very amusing…oO
I heard you have to be naked and doing a headstand when you take the pill
I wish they had shown us the side of the box with the directions.
Zoiks! Bluejade, weren’t you, um, bluer than that? Are you jaundiced?
She keeps changing colors. I might have mentioned it before, but I was afraid it was an LSD flashback.
Don’t be afraid. We are the same underneath.
Just so long as you are not unwell.
It’s just that the yellow doesn’t match my skin tones.
But the blue does?
WOW and i thought brazilians had weird products
Did they have to travel all the way to a distant moon to get Titan’s vagina expert?
Sometimes it’s worth a long trip if you end up with real expertise.
I guess so!
wow, this is F’d up
Everyone should get their minds out of the gutter. The box clear says, tightens vagina experts, not vaginas.
This is clearly anti aging wrinkle cream marketed directly to vagina experts.
That is obvious
A niche market if I ever heard of one!
vaaagiiiiiiinaaaaa
Product Feature
Tightens Vagina Expert is made from extracts of purely natural Chinese herbs, traditional formula and scientific methodology. It can amazingly enhance and tighten up women’s overall muscles and foster blood circulation and metabolism so as to regain the natural contractions and elasticity of whole body muscles, especially effective for pelvic and vaginal flaccid muscles. Furthermore, Tightens Vagina Expert helps to relieve mild urine leakage and monthly discomforts.
Mechanism of Action:
a. Enhance overall immune system.
b. Relieves suffering from mild urine incontinence and elasticity loss of pelvic and vaginal flaccid muscles.
c. Relieves hot flasknes, mood swings, fatigue, dizziness, anxiety and vaginal dryness Symptoms during menopassed.
d. Anti-aging, reduce stress hormone, improve sleeping quality & relieve postnatal depression.
Ingredients: top soybean extract, collagen, albizia julibrissin durazz, galla chinensis, psoralea corylifolia, incaryillea sinemsis lam, morinda umbellate, cortext eucommiae, pericarpium granati, rhizome curcumae longae, and so on.
Suggested Usage:
3-4 capsules daily, once a day.
Precautions: For those patients with heart disease, myocardial impaction malfunction or liver of kidney, pregnant women as well as children.
Storage:
Store in a cool, dry place, keep out of reach of children.
Specification: 580 mg*90 capsules
Steroids for women…
This product is good for women with menopause. It helps stop the hot flashes, hormone imbalance and other menopause symptoms. It can even help you get your monthly “you know” back. Well, thats what my friend told me since she’s been using it for 2 years now.