! Notice:
Little possibility happens for a long time, it becomes a must! While baby could fall down from be, swallow harmful things, put fingers into power socket, for every time when he/she awakes……
Where going to a children hospital, we will find so many hurt babies by accidents!
But we, although be nervous every second, check it so often, we still can not know it in time for every time. However, we just could not solve babies ACCIDENT absolutely.
How on earth should we do?
Submitted by: Andrew via Engrish Funny Submissions
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Copy & paste this:
At least you’ve tried…
What’s funny about engrish is that you know what they’re trying to say (most of the time), and that they’re usually Asian fails.
I’d like to know where this was found. It looks like some kind of warning label…
Start by keeping them off Child Beer
I once had a carefree life with youth, hair, money, discovery and adventure.
Now I have children. I still have discovery and adventure, but externally redirected.
When I was a child, I loved getting Christmas presents, of course, as almost any child does. But no present I ever got compares to the joy I feel when my daughter goes wild over a present I have gotten her. And that joy doesn’t even fade when, in a much shorter time than I ever expect, she doesn’t even like the thing any more.
JohnB, you have just defined “spoiling.” I been there… I hate to be the one to break the news to you! Now there is another, tougher aspect of parenting coming up… oh, oh, oh… so solly!
Oh, the fact that my daughter is spoiled, as it seems virtually every kid today is, is well known to me. I have always said that there are only two really important things parents say to kids: I love you no matter what, and no. We work on that “no” very often, and it ain’t pretty, but I’m quite stubborn and if I say no, I stick to it. The latest thing is she lost her Nintendo DS. (And between the machine and the games, we had a lot of bucks in that thing!) And of course, her solution is for us to get her the new, improved DSI. And of course my reaction was, you will get a DSI over my dead body. As we might say in Engrish, rose game, no pray game no mole. So solly. She threw her TV remote and broke it. I could fix the thing, I’m quite sure, since it just came apart, but it’ll be quite a while before I even attempt it. Let her get up off her butt and change channels manually, like we always did in the old days. I’m thinking a couple months of that, maybe she’ll think twice before throwing it again. So yes, I am no stranger to the tougher part of parenting.
Solution? Show her how to fix it, that breaks the pattern of her anger and your response of withholding… makes her more independent and she gains a skill, plus she takes responsibility for her actions… you get to hang out with her and teach her something… Just say hey, let’s see if we can fix this thing…
That’s a great idea, I should try that with my kids.
My 6 soon to be 7 year old lost his 1st DS, then broke two after that now he’s asking for a DSi – I guess that’s one of the things Santa is going to get him… it never ends I tell you!
Indeed not! The cell phone we got my daughter for last Christmas–exactly the expensive one that looked and worked like an iPod that she picked out as THE one she HAD to have–is now MY phone, and she got a newer, better one. This Christmas Santa is supposed to be bringing her a laptop, and I’m making sure it’s one I’ll like, because before long it will probably end up being mine, too!
That’s the warning label that comes with newborn babies these days.
adnoxious.blogspot.com
Taking aim at lousy advertising
I have two pieces of advice that I have been giving God for some time as to how to improve children. The first is that they need to come out not with a warning label, but a detailed instruction book (hopefully not in Engrish, either!). The second is they need an off switch. I could be such a good parent if, instead of screaming at my daughter that she is grounded for the rest of her life and her afterlife too, I could just turn her off, take a couple of minutes to settle down and think about what a rational response would be, maybe talk strategy with the wife, and then we could turn her back on and do something sane. I believe God answers all prayers, but so far He has been saying no.
Stop having children.
No problem there! We never did “have” any, but adopted one. I always thought I would like to have two or three, but then I found out how many children one is, and one can be plenty!
If one child is plently.
What are two children?
More than enough?
Let’s just say you have my sympathy!
Thank you. I do have two children. One is 4 years old and the other is 2 years old.
I used to say that having a successful, long-term romantic relationship is the most difficult thing anyone ever sets out to do. Now I say that’s the second most difficult. #1 is parenting, hands down! And mine is just now beginning to show signs of puberty. That’s why I’ve become so interested in theology, since I know I won’t survive the next few years without the help of a higher power.
That’s it!! What they are struggling to say is that the babies at the hospital are they “by accident!” And that accidental pregnancies are bad!
I get it.
Amen, JohnB, to the instruction book idea! Would that I had one after I had my son. Parenting is HARD!
Lousy advertising like your stupid spam post “cleverly” (actually crapily) disguised as a comment?
tldr
That’s your loss! These long, nearly incoherent passages are what I call “mother lodes” of Engrish, and I guarantee there will be 100+ responses, many of them funnier than the passage itself, which had me spraying my coffee on my computer all by itself. I guess some of us are just true Engrish aficionados…
And as I predicted, 112 posts and counting. The most important thing here, IMO, is not the picture itself (although having a good one certainly does help) but the wacky conversations that we have about them. There is such a great diverse group of funny, intelligent, knowledgeable, warped minds here, and you don’t find that everywhere.
Do you have any other predictions for the year 2010?
There will continue to be tensions in the Middle East. There will be earthquakes somewhere. Iran will continue to work on peaceful nuclear weapons. North Korea will fire some missiles. I will get older.
This is going to take some thought.
For starters, if he/she puts fingers into a power socket every time awake; DO NOT LET THEM WAKE UP.
Also, do not let babies get hurt by accident. Apparently, this is bothering someone at the hospital. Show some consideration, and make sure the little tykes are damaged on purpose.
It seems to me that they’re complaining not that babies get hurt by accident, but that if you go to a hospital, you will FIND hurt children by accident. So unless you’re coming to visit a hurt child, stay in the adult wing. And if you don’t know the room number, ask at the nurses’ station. Don’t go around randomly from room to room, or you’re bound to encounter hurt children by accident.
Oops-a-daisy.
Found a hurt baby.
Ask someone to blindfold you and walk you to the room you are going to.
You may be right. It does sound like they are finding hurt children, at the Children Hospital, by accident. However, this is lame. WTF were they expecting to find? Children in tiptop shape? It’s a hospital! The dinged-up ones go there!
A hospital is no place for sick people.
Yeah, thats a place for dead people (or atleast near-dead)!
“Little possibility happens for a long time, it becomes a must!” This is actually one of the better explanations of Murphy’s law that I’ve run across! So true!
Yes, this is what I try to get across when I am training people to do simple jobs…if you aren’t conscientious about doing it right every single time, or if you habitually let your attention slip, sooner or later the law of averages comes and throws a concrete pie in your face.
It’s especially true of DRIVING.
“But we, although be nervous every second, check it so often, we still cannot know it in time for every time.” This sounds like part of the “How It Works” preamble section that would be read at any OCD Anonymous meeting.
Conscientious parenting and OCD are separated by a very small fence.
Is there a fence? Not for single parents!! OCD could be a blessing, you don’t have to think about what to do, you just do it and keep moving. If you had to make individual decisions about everything, it would take too much energy. If it’s a reflex, there’s less work.
Ah, if OCD only were a reflex, it would be SO much less work than the real thing! Real OCD is exhausting, even for psychotherapists…
OCD odes not work for a parent. Parenting requires fleet footed adaptability, compromise, and the acceptance of change.
Well, rolling can become a reflex!!
I didn’t know anyone had written odes to OCD!
oh dis keyboard/finger interface fails on a regular basis.
I guess we could count the “Monk” theme song.
It’s a jungle out there.
We are not wanting be nervous every second, as it will making work to have downfall, also in hospital to trip over babies can make nervous. So…
How on earth SHALL we do?
The question is not what SHALL we do. For we shall do something, or do nothing, and it may be right or wrong. What SHOULD we do is a much more difficult question!
Or, I should say, how on earth SHOULD we do.
Let me answer that question with another question.
What?
As in
How on earth should we do what?
How on earth should we solve babies accident absolutely, is the implied question. And apparently, we have to remove all electrical outlets and all harmful things from the home, and have the baby sleep on the floor. So if you have a baby, move into an empty box.
What about the whore dust on the floor?
Make sure the box has previously been occupied only by virgins.
I was really expecting someone to ask where they can get a box of virgins…
Where can we get a box of virgins?
Happy?
I long ago learned not to let the world’s failure to fulfill my expectations make me unhappy. But actually, I hadn’t figured out what I was going to say if someone did say it!
Surely, by definition, a given virgin can only occupy a box once?
It depends on the gender and the vernacular. Where I come from, if a box has been occupied, virginity is impossible.
It’s “suppose”. Supposed is past tense.
This is what happens when the label maker drinks too much child beer.
Maybe this is a poem. Think about it.
Little possibility happens for a long time, it becomes a must!
Sounds poetic, doesn’t it?
While baby could fall down from bed, swallow whore dust.
That could be harmful! Baby could get herpes!
That not fit in poem! No metel, no lhyme. Next rine, prease.
And when he goes to the bathroom, he doesn’t point at the toilet when he pees.
Baby doesn’t throw toilet to toilet.
Keep them away from the electirical outlet.
What, how else are you supposed to charge the baby?
In most jurisdictions you cannot charge a baby with a crime, although in Texas I think you can charge even infants as adults.
Do they come with an AC adapter, or do you charge them over USB?
You can charge them in Circuit Court.
But Circuit City is no more!
The only alternative to Circuit Court would be County Court.
I’ll county to ten, and then the baby will be fully charged and ready to play?
It only counts if you’re in court.
Tennis or basketball?
How about Crown Court, or High Court?
Or even Royal Tennis?
Ask the Prince of Tennis.
Well, that’s an interesting next line, except that we’re talking about a baby here…
Yea, but I needed to rhyme. So I just thought of pees.
If trying to rhyme leads to thoughts of peeing, I suppose you should be glad you’re not a professional poet, or you’d have to do all your work in the bathroom.
If rhyming doesn’t work, try onomatopoeia.
Sorry, I’m just not into deviance.
Well, if you are out of deviance, you should go out and get some more.
You’re being devious.
Am I?
Heh heh heh heh heh!
His lovely is not as straight as he imagines.
Yes, but don’t tell him that. It will ruin his day.
He is a baby. I don’t think he is old enough to care how straight it is. If he develops mental problems because he feels his straightness is inadequate, we’ll send him to JohnB.
i just realized they noticed my lovely (!)
That is a very nice and straight lovely. Not like the other one you had(?)
Why, thank you! I love it when people notice my lovely (!)!
Looks to me like they’ve cordoned it off, as if they’re afraid of it.
If they let it out it could run wild. You have to cage his lovely (!) We can also have an upside down lovely (¡) or this one(¿).
If my smile might appear a frown,
It’s just my lovely, upside down.
Finally an explanation for that frown.
You twisted my lovely (!) Do you know how long it took me to straighten it and orient it the right way up?
No I don’t know how long it took you, but something tells me you’re going to straighten it back up.
Nothing duct tape can’t fix, anyway.
Just be careful when pulling it out. It will rip your hairs out. Or fur, whatever.
I don’t usually put my fur on my punctuation…
But I’ve heard you purr during functuation.
The Feng Shui was good at the time…
I had the notion that baby accidents happened due to defective prophylactics.
Drive carefully! Most pregnancies are the result of accidents!
I suppose we could put Child Beer in their bottles so they stay asleep?!?
I think that this was on the outside of a child safety kit box that contained a roll of bubble wrap and packing tape. It is easy to custom fit to them.
My first thought on reading this Engrish was: What?
My second thought on reading this Engrish was: What?
My third thought on reading this Engrish was: What?
Then I just gave up and enjoyed it.
(What)?
How on Mars?
or How on Moon?
Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise a kid,
And there’d be no one there to raise them, if you did.
Yes I’ll sit with you and talk let your eyes relive again
I know my vintage prayers would be very much the same
And Magdelena plays the organ, plays it just for you
Your choral lamp that burns so low when you are passing through
And the future you’re giving me holds nothing for a gun
I’ve no wish to be living sixty years on
Bravo JB bravo
Sounds from this like it’s just best not to have a baby and avoid the non-stop perils of raising one alltogether. Man, the person who wrote this needs to chill.
I wonder if the babies also accidentally a Coca-Cola bottle?
well, that’s why children are foud in the childrens hostpital because they ‘re accident was hurt!
LoL I totally related to this one
How on Earth should we do? Don’t leave me hanging, notice!
Well, you should get that angry look off your face, and then you’d be Droll not Troll.
This is just a print-out straight from the brain of a new mother. After the second child and a few visits to A&E they usually chill out a bit…
I’m wondering if that last line is in fact a typo, and it should read “Who on earth should we do?”
This is possibly a flyer for a workshop, which suggests that, rather than worrying constantly about their children every second of the day, sleep-deprived life-drained parents of small children should take some time to revitalise their personal lives by fantasising about whom they would like to seduce, and thus segue into re-establishing intimate contact with the other hollow-eyed zombified shell of a human being who was once their lover but is now just the other person that they share nappy enfecalation event management and screaming fit amelioration with.
I’d say it’s probably for the best that you elected not to have children.
Dogs are so much better – easier to train, and you’re supposed to keep them on a leash in public places.
And yet there are so many places who won’t rent to you if you have pets, but they’re fine with kids!
If I was a landlord, I’d be perfectly happy with people having pets, but kids? Fuhgeddaboudit! (Trying to get around me by describing your kids as “little animals” will not work.)
I disagree… I think she has what it takes!
Except, apparently, for inclination. IMO that’s the most important thing, and if that’s lacking best not. Well, I would say that, being childless myself, wouldn’t I?
I agree that if you don’t want a child very badly, you shouldn’t have one. Because even if you want one very badly, there will be many times you’ll find yourself saying, “What the f*ck was I thinking?!?!”
I am an unshakable advocate of choice when it comes to having children.
Should dr handle choose to be a parent, I’m sure she would be an excellent parent.
Unfortunately, however, too many people choose to have kids (or at least have secks) with neither the skills nor the motivation to do what’s needed.
People should have to sit an exam and gain a licence to breed, they really should.
In principle I agree but have never figured out how that could be practically enforceable, outside of forced birth control, forced sterilizations, police state stuff.
I’ll settle for being a subversive aunt: buy them minibikes and noisy toys, fill them full of red food colouring then hand them back.
Why are you filling toys with food coloring?
Then it looks like blood when you break them, and it’s more realistic.
Yes, because all minibikes bleed when you break them…
Right…Who should we do is good
The good ones are not the easiest ones to do…