This establishment has complaining book.
Today we suggest
Submitted by: Nathaniel via Engrish Funny Submissions
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That’ll come in handy, as I has complaint
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Here’s some invisible ink.
Why would a book complain about the food and service being bad and expensive? Is it doing stand up comedy?
“… if you think the veal looks bad, you should see the Chef! He really looks bad. I just had the steak and… wait… where is that dog that was hanging around the kitchen… Thanks folks you’ve been great. I’ll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress… she looks like she could use some hygene tips!”
Take my dirty dishes, PLEASE!
Would you like to see the whine list?
Complaining book is a couple of photos that-a-way.
AAAAARGH! Not it’s not! No it’s not! It’s right here! What the hell? Where did that stalactite go?
You seem a bit disoriented from the stuffy air in that cave.
Perhaps she has become a prisoner in Stalagmite 17.
NICE old movie reference. Win.
Well, since last Friday, I have been constantly menaced by a German Shepherd who keeps trying to lick me to death, and barred safety gates have appeared in some doorways of the house. I can’t even sneak out via the tunnel that comes up under her kennel without her wanting to go walkies.
hey isn’t johnb to busy being cod, er, God to do the forums?
And the piano has been drinking
not me not me
The piano has been drinking
not me
… and the carpet needs a haircut… or at least a spot shampoo after puppy missed the paper last night…
It is rocking and raging on its lectern, waves of octarine emanating from it.
I presume it’s properly chained down?
As a wizard, of course I can perceive octarine, but thanks to all my experience with entheogens, I am inclined towards synesthesia, so I tend to hear it as ocarina music. And that of course makes me think of Zelda… But I digress. What I really want to know is, is this really a book of complaints, or perhaps a Book of Shadows?
We were off on another Terry Pratchett reference; Octarine is the eponymous “Colour of Magic”.
Yes, I was aware of that, and thought I was responding properly in that vein, with a little research. Perhaps it was the reference to “synesthesia” that threw you.
Pretty good riff for someone who has never read the books.
Are you serious about the synesthesia? I’ve heard of it, but never met anyone who claimed to experience it.
Smells are “coloured” for me (that’s the only way I can describe it, particular smells have particular colours). I never knew that I had synesthesia until I heard it described in detail several years ago – I thought everybody could “see” what “colour” smells are. It always confused me that people described some floral-ish perfumes as “green”, when to me they were “orange”, until I realised that we were talking about two totally different types of perception, and “green” scent is actually a parfumiery term.
It being you, I wasn’t sure, and had no idea what synesthesia meant anyway.
Excuse me sir, you have a complaint? Let me provide you with our complaint book so that you can write it down, we’ll close it shut and forget all about it. Oops did I say that out loud?
Here in Portugal every shop, restaurant, whatever is forced to have such book.
When a complaint is made It’s sent to the authorities that will later check the problem out if the complaint is about something serious.
I can has complaint?
Cetainly! Be sure to sign it, so the cook and wait staff know whose food to spit in next time you’re here.
Nah, we abandoned that policy. Now we just dump an entire bottle of Tabasco or other hot sauce over their food, and put the resulting mayhem on tape for ‘America’s Funniest Home Video’s’.
The beauty of spitting is that the victim never knows, whereas dumping hot sauce will invariably cause the person to register yet another complaint, which will necessitate repeating the action. This is how situations like the Middle East evolve. If the Arabs and Israelis could just learn to spit on each other’s food like civilized human beings, it would be much more peaceful, if perhaps somewhat more disease-ridden.
Pathogens can bees our frenz.
Ok, can I have the Greek yoghurt, honey and toasted nuts for dessert please?
This sounds like a Hogwarts thing
My thoughts exactly! Much like those Howlers that the children get from home.
Just to say that in portugal (that menu is from here), it’s mandatory by law to have these books.
It’s not mandatory to fix any of the complaints, but they do have to log them in.
Yes, but it’s a complaint book, not a complaining one! Portugal rocks, lol
Yeah it does. I LVOE PORTUGAL. =P
Love*
Lvoe makes the world go runod.
yay go portugal!
OH! I was in a restront once with a pain in the ass tax! This is like… “Do you wanna write in the book?” *holds up random weapon* “now do you wanna” *raises weapon* “okay that’ll cost ya $10000 and one thump on yer head”
Oh hey! That pink icon for my name… acherly looks like meeee!!!!!
Sorry about your invisible hair, but you’ve got a charming smile.
Those ungrateful books, always complaining so much that it is a chore to read them…
Sharper than the lion’s tooth is an ungrateful book.
So that’s why my books always complain so much! They saw my Harry Potter books and got jealous! I’ll have to tell them that it is not the size that counts, but how you use it!
Where does it say anything about *writing* in the complaining book? Perhaps this is a warning. This is Engrish, after all – it could mean that they have a large, hardbound tome with which they whack complaining customers. “Keep your whining to yourself, or we shall whack you with the spectacularly large and out-of-date school atlas, issued circa 1950, which we like to call ‘the complaining book’.” Certainly, the first thing that came to mind when I picked up The Magnum Opus from the binders (despite what Dreadful Spelling Sprite might tell you, ‘thesis’ is a four letter word) was “I don’t think I will ever read this again, but it would certainly come into its own in hand to hand combat”.
11. There were no Chefs…that Spelling Sprite is going to 86 me. I did go to a nice restaurant where the Chef walked out in the middle of service. I didn’t have to cook my own dinner but I should have.
13. Just ask the dishwasher.
I think it WAS the dishwasher that cooked that meal. The Hunter’s Stew had an undertaste of bleach.
It’s a service to foreign customers who don’t speak the language. Order food from the menu by number, and if you want to complain, pick a number from the Complaining Book.
and 12% isn’t all that surprising in Europe. Think 18-20% in Spain, and rising!
portuguese translations FTW!
hollyr57 is right. here in Portugal all establishments need to have a complaint book by law…
In Portugal restaurants have 12% tax, luxury items have 20%
Not pleased with the fruit?
Use: The Grapes of Wrath
Not happy with the poultry?
Use: Wings of the Dove
Not enough herbs?
Use: In Search of Lost Thyme
AAAAARGH! Dreadful Pun Hell fairy accuses you of introduced obtuse Proust abuse! Vamoose! *clonk*
I am glad to see that DPH fairy recovered from her nose bleed.
It’s not her nose bleeds we worry about.
I NOT HAS A PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No! No! Can’t be! DPH fairy has a menopausal?!!
To be honest, I think that at the moment I have Puppy Mayhem Syndrome – it consists of being in a constant state of disquiet and concern about what the 7-month-old pup may be getting up to in the few hours between me leaving for work, and the husband getting home. Yesterday, her first day alone at home, she ripped up some pond liner, and liberally coated herself and the backyard paving with uncured sealant. Wasn’t that fun to clean up, boys and girls… no wonder I never had kids.
Good ol’ Portugal xDDDD
Where the hell was the fail here?
*gasp* PORTUGAL ENGRISH…
this makes me SO happy. as soon as I saw the thing about the complaining book I thought… this seems very Portuguese…sure enough, there was Portuguese on the menu.
I’m such a nerd about Portugal
BEST ENGRISH EVER (even though it’s not the best on its own).