Nature No Free
Mr. J Guarantee
…Polite Get Son…
Romantic Get Daughter
More Romantic Get Lady Boy
Free Sex became Dog (on Ko Tao)
Submitted by: Jojo via Engrish Funny Submissions
-
-
Copy & paste this:
« Previous The door swings both ways | Aww, you’re no fun anymore Next »
At least there’s a guarantee…
» Glory! 97 Comment
Leave a Reply
-
Recent Talking Abouts
beth on “I Gained 10 Pounds Last… Agent Phil Coulson on Venti Caramel Macchiato for … cpt.obviouse on America Won World War II All B… Rajesh Ramayan Kooth… on Jumalauta, Suomi (“Damni… Tarcolt on Guess Who Wishes Drinking Were… nazani14 on Bonne Chance à Vous, Fran… nazani14 on Buy Wiener Zucker Brown S… Sarethed on Good On Ya, Queensland Ra… Sarethed on In America, We Go the Extra Mi… Sarethed on In the Greek Criminal Justice… 
Cheezburger Company Blog
![\"Quantcast\"/](\"http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-94wNw88f65Rhk.gif?labels=MTVN%20Digital%20Tribes\")
Wasn’t this posted before?
I think it was. It looks incredibly familiar. I know I’ve seen it before.
Yeah, it definitely was.
rERUNS! AAAAAAAH
I wish to avoid your services, please.
Specially when lady-boy get romantic and the sex becomes dog
This is the 3rd or 4th time this appears here, but none the less its funny
Yeah, but this time it’s hard to read all the stuff about the dictator, executions, death squad, etc. underneath Mr. J’s very warped concept of karma.
I still haven’t quite figured out how one can have polite s*x. “I say, dear, would you mind terribly to spread your legs, and might I insert myself into you? If it’s not too much trouble, I’d also like to move around. No hugging or kissing, now, please. We don’t want to end up with a daughter, or worse yet a ladyboy son.”
Passionate sex gives you a daughter and more passionate sex gives you a ladyboy? So you’re like, supposed to have indifferent, unpassionate sex? Boy! Ain’t that a bucket of cold water in the nuts?
Man: Wanna have sex, honey?
Woman: Whatever. Just let me be on top. I don’t want to miss Oprah.
But hey, at least you’ll have tons of good karma! Sure, you’ll feel miserable and will hate your life, but think of all that good karma!
When my wife and I were trying to conceive a baby, we HAD to have s*x on her fertile days. We found out that when you have to do it, most of the fun is lost. “Oh, do we have to do it today? All right, let’s go and get it over with before The X-Files comes on.” I’m surprised we didn’t get a quintuplet of sons!
Bwahaha. I hope my boys do the work naturally when I’m in the same situation (which I suppose will be soon as I’m 28 already). I like my s*x funny and passionate, as it should be. Yess sireee!! Good ole s*x, just as mother Nature meant it to be!
BTW, am I going to get the big red CENSORED stamp if I write “sex” again? Ooops, whaddayanow, I did it again!
ROMANTIC s*x gets you a girl… so… foofy, big poofy-sleeved shirts and Fabio-esque story lines are out if you want a boy… just be polite, apparently… “Excuse me dear, but would like to have s*x now, or after the news is over?”
I’d like to see, in the interest of science (of course), a video of all the women giving birth to dogs back in the era of Free Love. Surely somebody shot some footage.
Nah, we were too busy watching Carol Doda descend from the ceiling… and bootleg copies of Deep Throat.
Yeah, I remember watching one of those dark, grainy copies, head no doubt somewhat addled due to the addition of some chemical substances not normally found in the brain, trying to figure out who was doing what to whom in the closeups. But speaking of Deep Throat, why didn’t Linda Lovelace give birth to a dog? Out of her mouth?
heheh… you said “head!”
Channeling Beavis?
It’s just me. Although I’m actually two people.
Is that you again, Cornholio?
Let me check.
NO.
Yes, it’s a common word, often used to describe the thing that sits upon the shoulders. The word “my” would have been clearer.
As in, added BEFORE head. Not in place of head. Oh, I hear the Beavises of the world stampeding this way now…
It’s the sign underneath that I’m more curious about.
Execution squads and sea lions? What?
George Bush
Dictator < Walrus.
That’s just what I was going to ask. Maybe they’re on the trail of whoever took the bukkit?
I looked up Ko Tao and according to good old reliable Wikipedia it’s an island in Thailand located near the eastern shore of the Gulf of Thailand.
Maybe the bucket is somewhere there <_<
Yes, and the last time this came around we heard from some people who had visited the island, and Mr. J, the author of this “guarantee,” apparently runs a crummy hotel there. Which of course qualifies him as an expert on all matters medical, spiritual, sexual, and gubernatorial. For those curious, look back in the archives and you’ll find a more complete, if more inscrutable, accounting of Mr. J’s “philosophy,” and I use the word loosely.
During our last gubernatorial election here in VA, we had REAL goobers!
And what do you have this time?
I can understand your reluctance to answer, what with the Men In White Coats With Nets standing by.
this is obviously the sequel to the last one. in the last one, free sex BECOME dog. in this one, free sex BECAME dog. and we finally learned what happened with the dictator and execution squad. they became walruses and sea lions. although i can’t quite work out what caused the massacre.
maybe it was the loss of the bucket : P
It looks like somebody teamed up with the execution squads to cause the massacre. I’m guessing it was all the surviving walruses and sea lions.
I’m just curious what happens when you’re more romantic with a Lazy Boy.
In a Lazy Boy, or with a Lazy Boy?
In a Lazy Boy, with a Lazy Boy.
Or perhaps in a Lazy Boy, with a lazy boy.
AKA Lazy Boy a trois.
You get pregnant! haven’t you all seen Juno>
HAH….I read the bottom as ‘execution squid’ at first
Execution by squid? Definitely novel. I guess some squid are large enough to kill a person. But getting them to attack might be difficult.
I remember Humboldt Squid from college. He was always kind of a wet fish, although he could get his arms around any task he was given. He took a letter in long distance swimming but could find a place to put it.
Sexy Seychelles Sally sells chou-chous by the sheshore?
* buys stack of Regency romance novels *
The last options sounds like a great alternative to puppy mills.
I’m h a p p y…
I feel happy!
Happy in my soul!
Been in your bong again, Alice?
No bong, just h a p p y
Ness Ness Ness Ness Ness Ness Ness Ness Ness
Elliot?
???
Ah the young!
Okay, how about Loch?
It hurts, Alice…
WRONG! In this bit I play the part of Giygas. You can be Paula.
What is that flow chart underneath???
I learned to scuba dive on Ko Tao. Didn’t know about the other attractions there.
the flow chart is way better, dictators, execution squads, im fairly sure i saw something about sea lions
Is this an ad of some sort? If so, what is the product? I am in the dark on this one!
So is everybody else, so at least you’re not alone.
*deep resonant voice* It’s really so nice to see you all here.
I was invited to the Dark Side with a promise of cookies… “Come to the Dark Side – we have cookies”, they said. So I’m here for my cookies. Where are the cookies, Big V?
Check your browser!
Does no one else notice the flow chart below the big sign that says
“Dictator-Executioner-Massacre.”?
And underneath dictator it says walrus, underneath executioner it says sealion, and underneath massacre it says something too small to read…wtf?
you can bone but you can’t knob.
comment page big fail…this comment, ladies and gentlemen, is for the previous page, not this page, so read my comment and hit the back button at the same time for maximum enjoyment of my comment.
…it’s probably the weather. Or my shades. which ever is darker.
Y’know, I don’t think it makes any difference with this crowd…
How did free sex become a dog ?
I don’t know! I mean it was like the late ’60s, early ’70s, free sex was in the air, and it seemed like everybody was doing whatever felt good at the time, with whoever happened to be there at the time, and suddenly, WHAM.
WHAM = AIDS. Good-bye, dear friends.
Nah, ’cause it ended before AIDS was identified, and there already were plenty of STDs around. I think it was some covert energy field put out by the Reagan administration…
Disco, perhaps? Disco and AIDS had impact around the same time for me… One killed music, and the other killed my friends.
Don’t forget the sexy hairdos that were south of the border!
So I guess this means that approximately half of the sex in wherever this is boring, polite sex. How sad.
repost…. why is this accepted on frontpage again ?
If we are going to see this same sign over and over and over and over and over can’t someone at least zoom in on the flow chart? I am curious what see lions have to do with death squads and dictators.
Actually, I think we keep seeing revised versions or signs similar to the first one, all done by Mr. J. And the last time we saw the flow chart, it didn’t have any sea lions or walruses on it, to the best of my recollection, but it still made absolutely no sense. It was picture-perfect Engrish!
clearly the sign below it is comparing dictatorship with aquatic mammals. The walrus is ordering his sea lion goons to kill those who oppose him. This only servers to make the Beatles more sinister, what with that “I am the walrus” line.
Watch out for their Yellow Submarine!!
We CAN’T watch out for it since we all live in it.
Whoa!!! I just got a Matrix flashback there!
The main sign is disturbing, but the one below….dictator>execution squad>massages…that’s really disturbing.
what do you get for this:
Some serious long-term therapy, one hopes.
Will someone just lynch this Mr J and get it over with…
No, for God’s sake, please don’t!!! Just imagine what HE’D come back as!!!!
maybe as a polite ladydog…
The sign below it is pretty weird too.
Dictator -> Excecution squad -> massacre
| | /\
\/ \/ |
Walrus -(5 MY)-> Sea lion something
I wonder if David Carradine ever saw this sign on his travels?
Ouch!
I don’t think it mentions anything about the dangers of s*x alone in hotel rooms with ropes.
Lady Boy: TING TONG!!!!
You had me at Lady Boy…
Look at the sign under it…something about dictators and Sea Lions……
Has anybody noticed the sign below? Apparently in the animal kingdom, Walruses are dictators and Sea Lions are their killing squads?!