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Move Up
ZLG pure water, which is full of health and vitality,allows you to the future!
Durability: 12 months
producer: Feny Yi Technology China
Manufacture: Autotrade Enterprises (pvt) Ltd.
Address: Harare.Zimbabwe
A Little More Healthier Life
Submitted by: dunno source via Engrish Funny Submissions
From Zimbabwe
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Cheezburger Company Blog
Hey, Droll, you there? This water will allow us to the future? If we stand on our heads to drink it, will it let us run the time machine back to teenagerdom to send those warnings?
I think that might work if this water really flows uphill. After all, it is branded “MOVE UP”.
I’d insist on a check of the freshness before using this water for time travel, because apparently it’s only durable for 12 months. After that, I suppose the molecular bonds break down and you could be stranded in whatever time you went to.
Or maybe it will only take you back as far as the moment when the water was created. And it looks like Feng Yi Technology is claiming to have done that, presumably not long ago.
My first thought on reading this was more literal: without water, you won’t even get to your own future!
If this water does indeed “move up” (as in run uphill) it would put us plumbers out of business…
We can only go back to the future if this water supplies 1.21 gigawatts to the DeLorean.
1.21 gigawatts? 1.21 gigawatts? Great Scott!
Wow…time travel! Imagine the possibilities.
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
Only if it splashes on you.
quote: “Essen mein Scheisse!”
2 Germans, 1 cup?
No, 2 girls 1 German.
No one is going to get the reference :[
Unfortunately – for us – I think you’ll find that some of us were trying very hard to forget that reference. Is there any of that mindbleach left, Eunice?
The English meaning is pretty obvious to me, even without checking. Do I really want to know the reference?
Didn’t figure the quote would be any broader than the South Park movie but guess I was wrong?
To what is eat my sh*t a reference?
im almost certain it is a southpark reference DEUTSCHE SCHEISSE MOVIE.
Get back into the past and send me this water!
If someone was going to do that, you would already have it. Gotta love those time travel stories!
This is “Health Water” from Zimbabwe? Why don’t they keep it, and use it there?
Chinese product made in a African auto factory?
…but last only 12 months, then it turns to Canadien oil.
Yes, that worries me too. Water with a shelf life? It becomes undrinkable after one year. Then you pour it on your flowers and watch them shrivel.
Oh, and the ZLG pure water? Does ZLG purify the water or is the water free of ZLG thus making it pure? Is it the magic ingredient that allows me to the future, in my magic pants? If so, I’d like a nice heaping mound of it in my bowl of microwave.
At least it is free of steamboat cum.
That IS an important selling point here on the Mississippi river. Those steamboats just ruin the neighborhood.
I never drink water because steamboats cum in it.
Am I missing something here? As I know inanimate objects have no reproductive organs.
Check back a few posts…… Some comments have a history.
water shelf life is the plastic bottle, chemicals leach into it over time.
I googled “ZLG water”. ZLG make drying equipment for things like medicinal herbs. I wonder if this water is a byproduct of the process, and that’s why they claim health benefits?
Oh great, now someone’s selling water with processing byproducts in it. Have a nice heathful glass of sludge! No wonder it has a shelf life. Thanks for the info, DNT. I think I’ll just wait for the future to roll around and become the present as usual.
MoveUp.org has not had the success of MoveOn.org in taking over world governments and is selling bottled water for a fundraiser. It has had to compromise its ethics after it found the levels of chemical contamination of the water from the bottle.
It’s got “byproducts” in it! We here at EngrishFunny know another word for byproducts: effluvium! So this water may allow you to the future, but don’t try to get into The Tower with it!
Precipitates, suspensions, and flocculence.
It might even harbour baleful biology, which may lead to the dire rear.
I suggest dying one’s hair before trying to dye a rear.
And also, I think one bale full of biology is probably not enough. At least two bales are recommended.
It depends on if there is enough forage, or do they need drought supplements.
Then they shouldn’t settle for forage. At least a sixage or a sevenage should be enough.
I never thought of water as being durable. What’s the durability in comparison to say… duck tape? A Toyota? A plastic spork?
I hope the bottle is water-durable.
And what is this duck tape? Tape for ducks or tape made of ducks? Does that mean my duct tape is no more good?
That’s just what we call it here in backwoods Georgia
Duck tape is tape that hunches down whenever you use it. It’s good for applications where you want the tape to keep a low profile.
forgot to mention also that Duck Tape is actually a brand…
guess I should’ve mentioned that earlier.
I know that well. I never leave home without duct tape and super glue! It’s amazing what one can accomplish with those simple tools.
RTV, bailing wire, drywall screws, pliers and a screw gun if you want to make it permanent. A knife, a voltmeter, a lighter, and a flashlight and you are ready for the apocalypse.
True that.
Though for my hobby all I really need is a screw driver and a socket wrench.
If you don’t need sockets, then the wrench is a hammer for the screwdriver to chisel wood sculpture.
Obviously, the visual arts are something that we’ll be looking to preserve beyond the apocalypse.
Of course! Someone will have to start making p0rnographic pictures & sculpture ASAP. History and Archeology tell us that.
I’ll need a flathead for that.
You will need lots of naproxin and acetaminophen if you do it that way instead of using a hammer.
Don’t forget the Swiss Army Knife. The biggest one you got.
Technically, it’s “duct tape.” For air ducts. Which is why it’s silver. Duck Tape is a brand though.
Quando omni flunkus, moritatem.
Red Green Show reference FTW!
“When all else fails,”- what? I know it’s not true Latin, but I can’t find anything close to “moritatem” in my Latin dictionary.
I messed up — it’s suppose to be moritati, if that helps.
“When all else fails, play dead.”
Thanx for the clarification. My Latin is fairly rusty, and it turns out my dictionary is a dud. Seems they left out this verb altogether.
Apparently, the good news is that if I drink ZLG water, I have a future. The bad news is that it’s only a year long. I’m going to pick up a case of this stuff! I’ve got at least another 24 years of paperwork backed up…
Zimbabwe was in China?
It’s only fair. Surely they have china in Zimbabwe!
Seems to me their geography has gone a little Harare.
That’s a mold-breaker. Great tikhinng!
Everybody travels through time…we’re just all going in the same direction!
“full of health and vitality” hmm? As opposed to tap water, which is full of effluvium and steamboat cum?
(( Heh…I sense a really bad limerick in that somewhere, but I’m too tired to dig for it. Anyone else up for it? ))
The apparent “passage” or forward progress of time is a product of the biochemical processes that power our brains, which, because of the second law of thermodynamics, seem to give time its arrow. When one can quiet the brain sufficiently for awareness to be centered outside of the biochemical machine, then we see time as it really is, as one dimension of the space-time continuum. D@mn, I really need to stop making sense!
OMG! You’re so much bigger on the inside than you are on the outside!
I’m 6’3″, 212 pounds, so I have a pretty big outside to be bigger than inside!
no. look at clocks. and, Astonauts go forward in time faster becaues of E=mc^2,we know this because they special nuclear powered digital clocks are off, and they set them to official military time, and the only reason time passes for us is that we are hurtling through spac at billions of lightyears per second. if you were to create a craft with special nulear power pressure brake, with enough fuel, you could, essencially, stop time, if you managed to avoid beig hit by the octrillions of heavenly bodies passing you every second, and reach Absolute Zero(to cease molecular motion as well).but, you could never go back in time, because you can’t have negative speed or a temperature below absolute zero.
bam.
An old man drank ZLG water
For his health, ‘cos he thought that he oughta.
But the effluvium
And that old steamboat cum
Changed his future; now he’s his own daughter!
For the win! 2AM genius strikes again!
Thanks, but actually it was just before dinner here in Australia. This reply is at 12:50am, July 20.
See? The time machine is working!
Not MY time machine *sigh* Just the one that’s been around since the Big Bang, and there isn’t enough ZLG water to reverse it.
Actually, the time machine that enables it to be the middle of the night here when it’s the middle of the day there, not to mention the summer here when it’s winter there, started with the birth of this planet as we know it, which was several billion years after the Big Bang.
You’re right. I was thinking of the whole universe, and assuming that time (as we understand it) started just after the Big Bang. Which is probably not a good idea, as I don’t have a brain the size of a planet!
Well, since on the first day, God had not yet divided the night from the day, I guess he was carrying a Rolex!
Scary to think that Zimbabweans were once the most literate people in Africa… og my how far they’ve come – thanks bob
I think this is a sinister Chinese plot to rob Zimbabwe of it’s precious bodily fluids. This could mean war.
Just don’t fight in the war room.
Mein Fuhr- (Slaps arm down with other arm), I mean, My President!!!!
We must put all we got into it so we don’t develop a mineshaft gap!!
This is hilarious because Zimbabwe is in the grips of a cholera outbreak, I am guessing that if this water is bottled in Zimbabwe, it comes with a nasty case of Cholera, possibly Diphtheria.. nice one!
Also I found out that AutoTrade in Zimbabwe makes batteries.. so this could potentially be battery water !
I’ll take a case! I like a healthy battery with a future.
LOL liquid time machine.
This is some truly international water. Do I smell a conspiracy?
After the G20 summit, we need a H2O summit!
What’s ZLG?
Zombie Llama Goatse?
i’d google it, but I’m afraid to….
I said I googled it, but YOU DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE! I don’t know why I waste my time. Grumble, grumble…..
Indeed!
Chinese water is heavily contaminated with Dihidrogen Monoxide! This is serious!
And the Zimbabwegians ….. Zimbabwans…. Zimbabweians…. the people of Zimbabwe are into the conspiracy too!
Learn more abou this menace in the following link:
http://www.dhmo.org/
Let the truth be known!
Classic pseudo-science WIN!
It’s been around for a while, but apparently none of us dinosaurs remembered it.
BTW, did you have an earlier version of this comment vanish? I got the email, but I couldn’t find the comment here. Weird!
Actually yes.
I originally replied to notolaf post above, but the post never showed up. I thought the conspirators already had that post flagged, so made it again by myself.
(Actually, that was an accident, but it worked. I accidentally an entire post.)
…move up every ZLG?