Submitted by: Darrow66 via Engrish Funny Submissions
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The bench is relaxed?
Don’t for long time. My turn!
No, everybody is relaxed. And only for those everybodies that is relaxed. If you is unrelaxed, no bench for you.
everybody is relaxed, would that be for the late? I.E. those who are “past-tense”? (rigor-mortis not withstanding people)
Oh sure, everybody else is relaxed but now I am too nervous to relax, wondering if I am taking too long. Thanks for nothing Mr. Stupid Impatient Relaxing Bench!
If it is for everybody who is relaxed I’ll never be able to use it….
Ok, I admit it: it is a poo story….
Ok, I’ll come back and use it next week then.
Make sure all you take away all of you. Nobody deserves your left behind.
would they like my right behind?
This one is so simple, this is clearly NOT Engrish! It is a very simple injunction that YOU MUST SIT ON THIS BENCH AND RELAX!!! NOW!!! SITTING?!?!?! GOOD!!! NOW GET THE F**K UP AND GET LOST AND TAKE YOUR STUPID ANXIETIES SOMEWHERE ELSE, BECAUSE THIS WORLD IS JUST TOO FRANTIC FOR YOU TO HAVE ANY TIME TO BE NERVOUS, AND THIS HAS BEEN A HARD WEEK FOR US BENCHES, YOU JUST DON’T KNOW THE STRESS OF BEING SAT UPON ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, 24/7/365!!!! THINK YOUR LIFE IS BAD?!?!?! MINE IS JUST ONE ASS AFTER ANOTHER, AND YOU THINK I GET PAID LIKE A F**KING PROCTOLOGIST!?!?!?!
*Those wishing to take up a collection for some short-term cognitive behavioral therapy, and possibly some Zoloft and Klonopin for the bench, please call 1-800-HAR-DASS*
*BUT NOT WHILE SITTING ON THIS BENCH, YOU #!@$%^&!!!!!*
ROFL!
WRONG! The bench has extra heavy duty construction and is 6 sizes larger to fit the relaxed sized stretch pants around all of those relaxed diet sized butts. The design of this bench does not include groaning or distortion even under extreme overload. GET UP AND WALK. You won’t lose weight sitting here. Find something to do with your life that doesn’t require chewing or swallowing. Buffet eating is not a contact sport.
But make sure you walk in your Magic Man or Magic Woman Pants, depending upon your actual and/or desired gender.
I think perhaps bench could benefit from a holiday. He clearly has been working too hard, and needs some self-nurturing “me” time away from the demands of everyone else, you know, to go and do some of those things that benches do for their own amusement, like… um… I don’t know, put their feet up on people? Carve their initials into teenagers?
Bench needs to quit his job and start working for himself, so he won’t have to put up with the arseholes above him any more.
Unfortunately, although I am now self-employed, I find I am still working for an arsehole.
At least you can tell him what you think of him and not worry about losing your job.
But if I tell him what I think of him he might lose his self-confidence, and that is all-important when one is working as a consultant. I try to always look like I know exactly what I am doing, even though often I don’t.
Well, so long as the boss thinks you know what you’re doing, you can probably muddle through and wing it.
That, IMHO, is the main function of higher education, to enable you to muddle through and wing it in a convincing fashion.
Mom?
This is a bit like the announcement made during arrangements for the occasion of Ming the Merciless’s planned marriage to Dale Arden – “All creatures will make merry on pain of death”.
too bad for those hobos.
I used to have to walk through this mall on my way to and from the office for a month while working onsite for a translation client. I admit I never noticed the Engrish, probably because I stopped reading after the two lines of Japanese.
Ha. I take it as the bench, which is for everybody, is a very relaxed bench (perhaps indicating it wasn’t always relaxed). As a result of this sudden lethargic bout, they are imploring you all to let him relax and not sit on him for a looooonnnngg time (so it can chill out)
..The twist? The bench wrote the sign itself.
The other twist? It’s not a bench, it’s a piece of driftwood picked up in the ocean by the captain of the S.S. Poo Story
I’m confused.
“Please don’t use it for a long time.”
Does that mean I may use it infrequently?
Or does it mean that when I use it, I should use it for long periods?
I was thinking of using it for about 10 months. Is that too long?
DON”T use for a long time. DON’T use for 10 months.
If you MUST use it for 10 months, be sure to accelerate it to approximately 0.999999 times the speed of light, so that to others waiting it will appear that you only sat there five minutes.
Like one of those cameras that make tail-lights look like streaks?
Sorry, don’t have one.
What if I did use it for 10 months and THEN didn’t use it for a long, long time?
If you use it for ten months and then don’t use it for approximately 10,326 years, you can get another ten months on the bench. But really you ought to get off the bench and get in the game!
DEAL!
* starts relaxing on bench, with a big pile of sammichs *
See you again in 10,326 years!
Relax… but hurry up you lazy bum.
Hehe, that’s right down the road from me. I guess I’ve been here too long because I don’t notice these things anymore.