Notes for Entering the tower
1. The ragamuffin,drunken people and psychotics are forbidden to enter the Tower.
2. No smoking at non-appointed spot.
3. Prohibit carrying tinder and exploder( banger, match, lighter ), restricted.
knife,scissors,fruit knife,sword and so on)and metal-
Submitted by: dunno source via Engrish Funny Submissions
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Copy & paste this:
Effiuvium…..
I want to know what that’s about too.
Maybe it’s their effort to stop the spread of swine effluvium.
That would be addressed by #6 (see Jennifer’s post below), under, “Prohibit carrying dangerous germs, pests, and other baleful biology. Forbid any articles from epidemic areas.” So leave your vials of anthrax in the car. But the “pest” clause would seem to keep out many of the Hollywood A-listers!
Oh, and the Dreadful Spelling Sprite dings you for “effiuvium” instead of “effluvium.” But given this is an unusual word, which could be easily miscopied from a fairly small-print original, you are hereby awarded a pass for your next spelling misadventure.
Man, it was early in the morning here.
Thank God I got it together by the time work started. (I’m a proofreader)
I could be fired for such an indiscretion…..and I still cannot pronounce it.
Think F-Loo-V-Um…
F-Loo-V-Um…….F-Loo-V-Um…….F-Loo-V-Um…..
Now what the hell is it?
Your computer has no dictionary? Bad breath is one example of effluvium. Any unpleasant secretions are “effluvium”. From the Latin for “flowing out”.
I looked it up, it said: See husband
Housekeeping WIN!
So…living animals are a no-go…does that mean my dead skunk neck wrap is ok? Oh, wait…sorry. That’s covered under effluvium.
If your dead skunk does not smell (and in fact, the fur of skunks used to be worn frequently, since they have a good, thick fur, and the smell is in scent glands that are easily removed), then it is not covered there. Your live skunk, however, clearly falls under several prohibitions, including probable effluvium.
Actually, even without their glands, live skunks STILL stink (less tho), they just lack the ability to produce their spray. Skunk owners just get used to it, but anyone who comes over to their house smells it right away.
They can’t be worse than ferrets. My sister-in-law has them. A step in the door and your eyes water…
Very similar. It’s the same basic musky smell. Wen skunks get their glands removed, they only remove the one, not the others for musk.
I would think wen skunks would have their wens removed, not their glands!
“I say I say I say, my pet skunk has no nose?”
“No nose? How does he smell?”
“Not too bad, we had his scent glands removed.”
Human beings are living animals! This tower is a total no-go area!
Oh, I hear people are just dying to get in there.
Also, hooray for articles which can disturb the common and destroy. Sounds like the media to me!
No Exploder. This tower is only compatible with Firefox.
Or Netscrape….could go either way. I’m concerned about the peculiar smell of effluvium…would love to see the rest of that sentence. I suspect I’ve encountered that in the form of some perfume.
No effluviating in the elevator.
And no elevating in the effluviator.
Eeeew’k. *cough* I’ll take the next one.
I just reread this, and thought of gay seks…
Very interesting. Tell me more. Let’s start with your toilet training…
No up and downing in the elevator.
… or people will stair.
I suppose the amusement value might give someone a lift.
Going up?
that’s racist
breedist. However, some ragamuffins do get away disguising as a wegie or maine coone…
They actually employ qualified psycho-therapists, just to screen out the psychotics?
As a licensed psychologist, I can attest that it is fairly easy to distinguish most acutely psychotic people, although the element of dangerousness is a much tougher call. But the chronics, especially in between acute exacerbations, can sometimes fool you, especially if they are paranoids with well-developed systems of delusions, since they have usually learned to say very little and to try to act “normal,” whatever that is…
It just seems strange, screening out psychotics, but not manic depressives, bi-polars, sociopaths…
Really, I’m thinking “what they have said is not what they meant”.
Bipolar disorder is just the newer name for manic depression, and if a bipolar person is manic and psychotic it is VERY easy to tell. If they’re psychotic and depressed, they’re not likely to be getting out much, if at all. Sociopaths, unfortunately, are VERY difficult to diagnose until just after they have “done” you, whereupon the diagnosis is easy but no longer of much help. Some of the smoother and smarter ones are holding prominent public offices right now.
What about a schizophrenic with a fruit knife?
What about it?
What about someone with a piece of fruit, say, someone attacks you with an apricot?
Then you release the tiger!
Not the tiger. The fruit flies!
If the fruit flies and hits you that might hurt. Then you might need legal tinder for the medical services.
I worked as a CA Mental Health Patients’ Rights Advocate, and one day, a client got upset by things the voices were telling her. I was standing in the nurses’ station when I felt an apple go whizzing past my cheek and burst against a cabinet.
So dr handle, I can say it is rather upsetting when a psychotic person throws fruit. ; )
Licensed psychologist? Did you print out your own licence?
No, the states of Kentucky and West Virginia did.
no ragamuffins? damn, i can’t enter…
But if you’re a ragabiscuit, come on in!
Stand back. I have a sword, tongs, convection oven, exploding scones, and I know how to use them. I want a bbbooooottle of vooooodka, a box of cigars and a lighter, fresh foil for my hat, a milllllion dollars, a conference with the Pope, and a nice shrubbery.
Ok, but it will take a while!
Ni!
I posted this 6 hours before “knights” and still haven’t gotten any of my demands. If they close, can I come back after my nap and be first?
We’ll wake you if any important developments, er, develop. Incidentally, we’re having trouble teeing up the Pope AND the shrubbery – his allergies, you know. How would you feel about a meeting with the Pope after we’ve done some topiary pruning of his hair? A sort of popiary, I suppose, would that be adequate?
A little product and trimming, and his hair could be formed into a great dove of peace. Ill get my grooming kit and scheduling book and wait for your call.
I thought it was topiary, not tonsorial art?
You want to trim the Pope’s bush??
[lurk]
Care for tea and scones?
Are the scones going to explode?
The Semtex ones look like they have cream cheese icing.
Yep, I’ll have one – cream cheese icing will entice me to live dangerously every time.
*cough* I have to go to the wholesale club and get me a new convection oven.
Oh for a typed way to really convey hearty laughter!
but… I always carry a claymore everywhere i go….
pointy, exploding, or one of each?
bit of both
Found the rest of it…it’s the “Oriental Pearl Tower” in China…
3) Prohibit carrying tinder and exploder (banger, match, lighter) restricted cutter (kitchen knife, scissors, fruit knife, sword and so on) and metal made electric appliance.
4) Prohibit carrying animals and the articles which disturb common sanitation (including the peculiar smell of effluvium).
5) Prohibit carrying the articles which can destroy and pollute inner environment of tower.
6) Prohibit carrying dangerous germs, pests, and other baleful biology. Forbid any articles from epidemic areas.
7) Prohibit hanging streamer sloagan and any other prints in the Tower including commerce, politics, religion, and so on.
8) The cubage of liquid article which the tourist carries can’t exceed 100 milliliter. And the liquid article must be put at the appointed spot to accept examination. After confirmed, it can be carried into the Tower. The interloper carrying contraband will be punished seriously by police.
Baleful biology! I think I had that course as a sophomore…
This is really epic! Thanks so much for getting the whole thing. It is precious!! I especially love the last one. The only way I can get my liquid article into cubage is to freeze it, whereupon it is no longer liquid…
You’re welcome
While I was figuring out “what I wanted to be when I grew up” (AKA 8 years of college and only an Associate of Applied Science in Health Information Technology to show for it…), I worked in university libraries for seven years as a library technician. Got pretty good at finding things on the internet to help students with their research. So now, I just can’t help it…when something interesting comes along, I just have to find out more.
By the way, 100 mL is just a little more than a half cup (4 oz)…that’s not much for a tourist wanting to bring water or something to dring
What school did you go to? Most schools don’t give A.S.H.l.T degrees.
LOL! I’m guessing you don’t put those initials after your name, Jennifer!
And take “degrees” out of your sentence, Groomer, and I agree 100ml! Oops, I mean 100%!
After passing the National exam for Health Information Technology, I became a Registered Health Information Technician…so my official initials are “RHIT.”
The AAS is just the degree the school bestowed.
Most schools don’t give a RHIT AAS , either.
You could take a couple more courses, write a couple more papers, and have a Montana B.S.H.1.T. Degree. To get anywhere in IT, you have to BSH1T.
If it’s good strong whiskey, it would suffice for a normal drinker. (Of course, the true alcoholic is going to find a way to smuggle more in, somehow.) Well with 8 years and an Associate’s, you and I share a bond of inefficiency, as I spent 12 years in college (10 full time, 2 part time) and escaped with only a master’s (after 176 graduate credit hours in psychology, no joke). But I am working on a PhD again. Now that brings me up to 14 years of college!
“Metal made electric appliance” is forbidden, so obviously my titanium laptop is out. But since my chain saw is gasoline-powered, I’m bringing it!
The spark plug and ignition system are electric. Do you want to use my Diesel chain saw?
Is it the Vin Diesel model?
I’ll look through the windshield and the VIN will indentify the Diesel Model. Aspirated or turbo?
If somebody has pirated my ass, I’ll be quite dis-turboed.
A windshield? That’s some chainsaw! Does it have a stereo that plays “Lumberjack” by Jackyl?
That’s what they all say when they peek at my blade. It starts easily and quickly cuts a new row.
I guess I need a deodorant that’s good for the peculiar smell of effluvium. Where on earth can I find one??
Effluvium is the plural of effluvia. Flatus is effluvium because it has multiple components and changes in composition and proportion. You want a blower system with a hot bed catalytic converter, an electrostatic precipitator, and a bagged activated charcoal filter bed. It will catch most of it on the first pass and it half life diminishes rapidly from there. Be sure to have a methane monitor to bypass the catalytic converter to prevent overheating or explosions.
I do believe you have it backwards, with effluvium being the singular and effluvia being the plural. Latin -um is singular, -a or -ia plural. Datum, data; millennium, millenia, etc.
You’re right. I was listening to NPR’s report on early onset Alzheimer’s and now I’m worried.
Don’t worry until you don’t remember what the radio is for.
One of the simple screening tests for dementia is to ask someone to remember three common words for five minutes while you talk about other things. People will often miss a word and get all freaked out. I tell them, the ones who really have dementia are the ones who say, “You didn’t ask me to remember anything.”
Forbid any articles from epidemic areas? Since the swine flu has now been classified as a pandemic, that means anything from anywhere in the world is prohibited. Good luck going in without any article from anywhere in the world!
It must be an interesting place if they have to prohibit people from bringing swords in! Guess I’d have to bring my light sabre.
The liquid article refuses to accept your examination. No, it doesn’t care how serious the police are!
I’ve had some students whose performance on examinations could be surpassed by some liquid articles!
Perhaps it was impaired by some liquid articles prior to the exams?
The night before, quite possibly.
“4) Prohibit carrying animals and the articles which disturb common sanitation (including the peculiar smell of effluvium).”
Yeah! It wasn’t me! It must have been the dog!
The whole sign could be replaced by the one we had fun with a while back, which simply said “DO NOT”.
I’m surprised that #4 doesn’t forbid the pulling of fingers!
Now I’ve got that Paul Simon song in my head…”I’m a ragamuffin child…”
Although the translation is a bit odd–someone who didn’t know English all that well using a dictionary–the restrictions aren’t that unreasonable.
No street people, no dangerous weapons, no pets, no hazardous materials, no posting of notices or fliers–lots of places have restrictions like that.
So, you would prefer that we not make fun of the Engrish? Spoilsport.
A bit odd???Are you interested in buying a car that’s “a bit” used. The explosion and fire weren’t too big…
Some of the rules have a little too much detail. Most rules are created by a manager reading the details of the incident reports from bad day and writing “don’t” in front of the summary.
Oh c’mon… let raggamuffin in!
The ragamuffin, drunken people and psychotics are forbiden to enter? That would have spoiled all the fun! Usually, when I and my old crowd would enter an establishment, they would at least wait until we demonstrated our drunkenness and psychosis before throwing us out. Then we’d go and find some other place to get thrown out of. That’s what I used to call “night life”!
Which ragamuffin do they refer to? Shabbily clothed children? Christians who take on that title? The breed cat? The novel? The sub-genre of reggae?
I’m going to get drunk and visit that tower and bring along a shabbily clothed schizophrenic Christian child with his pet cat while reading the novel by Tobias S. Buckell and listening to music by Wayne Smith.
You forgot your fruit knife and banger.
And for God’s sake don’t leave home without the effluvium!
Upon looking at the picture, I decided that “The Peculiar Smell of Effluvium” is going to be the title of my autobiography. Then I read Jennifer’s contribution, and realized that I’m going to have to publish my autobiography in two volumes.
Vol I: The Peculiar Smell of Effluvium
Vol II: Other Baleful Biology
I really needed a laugh this morning; thanks so much for this. Srsly.
The two could go together…
Most of the gangrenous wound charts I read are quite descriptive…almost like I’m right there smelling the stench and seeing the fruits of the baleful biology at work
Nope, I’m just a medical records coder in Washington state.
‘Jennifer’ was a very popular name bestowed on girls born in the 70′s!
As an aside…one of my coworkers found the Myers-Briggs test online, and convinced us all to take it. She kept track of our four letter test results and found that we all had very similar results. Must be that certain ‘types’ end up in this kind of job (coding, transcription, etc)…so your Jennifer might be similar to me!
I’m curious now, what type are you? The Myers-Briggs is an old favorite of mine. It (quite correctly) typed me as an INTP.
INTJ.
There were a lot of ‘I’ with ‘J’ amongst my coworkers.
Yeah, J is handy for a coder. Us “P” types would still be sitting around the office the end of the day, debating whether someone was 296.22 or 296.23.
*wistful sigh*
Oh, if only the docs were that descriptive!
More often than not, we end up with ‘unspecified’ codes because the docs don’t give very detailed notes.
Do you read “Musings of a Distractable Mind”? {www.distractible.org} I think you might appreciate some of Dr Rob’s stuff.
Interesting stuff, thanks
I thought you might feel like that if you didn’t already know about him; I post there too, but under an abbreviation of my real name, not under my Cheeznet name.
Well, dinosaur that I am, I first learned the DSM-II. It had a lot more resources for those trying to come up with vague and unspecified diagnoses. A favorite that I mourn the loss of was “mental disorder not otherwise specified,” which came in psychotic and non-psychotic varieties. Just perfect for the person who is just plain nuts! Another favorite of mine was “inadequate personality disorder,” oh-so-fitting for the person who is just not all there. And of course we should never forget “simple schizophrenia,” which, believe it or not, might actually make it back into the DSM-V, if it ever actually comes out!
That’s where psychologists’ notes are far superior to most doctors’. Their diagnoses may be full of sh!t (and often are), but at least you (usually) know what they are!
ENTJ
where can I find that test, please.
I’m a female ISTJ, and the first one of you to call me a b*tch is dead.
I don’t know. I order mine from the publisher, and have to offer some sort of proof that I am an actual mental health professional. (If they gave it out to everybody, they could all cheat and put down all the right answers!)
You mean there is a ‘right’ personality to have?
No. I was joking! 8^]> Psychologists can be awfully full of it, sometimes, but they’re not quite THAT stupid!
Click my name…hopefully it works…Engrish has a habit of ‘eating’ my links
The one I’ve posted is a quick version of 72 questions. I think the real one is over 500 questions.
No, the Myers-Briggs is not that long. The MMPI, the most commonly used inventory of psychopathology, has 567 questions and is an ordeal to take. The full Myers-Briggs has, if I’m not mistaken, only 163 questions, and it really will tell you more about most people’s personality and temperament than an MMPI will. But if you’re looking for illness, the MMPI is a little more useful (although very easy to misinterpret). But my favorite is still the Rorschach, since any person with reasonable intelligence can figure out what the questions on the MMPI are designed to pick up, but only a person who understands the scoring of the Rorschach VERY well would be able to fake it, and even then it would take a lot of effort. But it is a major pain to score correctly. In cases where the person has a strong motivation to fake (say, for example, in murder trials), I insist on a good projective like the Rorschach. But projective testing, alas, seems to be a dying art…
You sure do sound like an SJ, but at least at this moment you sound more F than P!
EP = El Paso?
sideways shi++ing…you gots a colostomy bag there?
Yep!
I knew Jennifer was a common name, but what’s so UNcommon is your spelling and grammar skills and the lack of txtspk… Perhaps I’ve been spending too much time on the internet; that’s got to be a bad sign, when you think, “Hey, this person knows how to spell, there’s only one person it could be!” (c:
No colostomy bag here…
*knocks on wood*
*eats some wood for extra fiber*
Spelling, too, seems to be a dying art, to say nothing of grammar! There are some serious disadvantages in being a dinosaur, but I still think it preferable to the alternative.
Agreed. I’ll admit to writing in a more colloquial and spoken style on sites like this than I would on a technical site, but I don’t normally use txtspk!!
oi …serious punishment will be handed out to you
I wish this country had street people. They make third world countries and the USA so colourful
Yes, there are few things more colorful than personal tragedy laid bare on city streets!
Well, I didn’t past #1 on the list. Someone take some nice pics for me, plz?
What if my effluvium does not smell peculiar? (Women’s wee-wee smells like violets, remember.) Or how about I just go before we scale the tower, and promise not to go again until we get back?
What no psychotics?! Why am I always discriminated against?
That’s the worst kind of discrimination! The kind against me!
Hmmmm …. no ragamuffins, drunks or psychotics. Seems fair. Shame they don’t apply the same standards here!
Banger?
I hardly know her!
This is at the Pearl Tower in China, the rest of the sign is just as good.
Am not I psychotic too very but is ragamuffin drunk. Accept this me will?
For real? No pyromanics allowed? Aww… They take away all the fun…
C’mon guys… Were not wanted here…
haha the ragamuffin bit made me lol for some reason
but the effluvium bit was good too 
Woah they gotta be pretty snobbish to bar rugamuffins!! And I had to google the definition of that word first!! haha