cold – hot drink
vegetarian food
food – fruit to eat in or take away
and shower
Submitted by: ChristianDegn, Via Engrish Funny Submissions.
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Sure. I eat all my fruit in the tub
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Wow – not only does this place cook a vegetarian, but you can take it home and wash up afterwards in the convenience and privacy of your own home. That matters, seeing as eating a vegetarian can be really messy; inevitably the chainsaw and cleaver end up all covered in blood, and the bone marrow makes the handles really slippery. What’s the phone number – I want the Hare Krishna in black bean sauce.
You’re a real humanitarian!
(If vegetarians eat vegetables, then humanitarians eat humans)
Be careful! Contrarians often have to eat their words!
Words taste like Lexicon.
Lexicon: When the car dealer cheats you on your new luxury sedan.
Luxury: Those (no longer) free alcoholic beverages they serve you in casinos.
Too many of those and you better sedan before you fall dan.
I have a better sedan, but don’t call me Dan!
OK, as long as you’re not hatching a plot for a coup(e).
No, but I am plotting a hatch for my coupe.
I thought that the word was “humantarian.” What, no such word?
i am a vegetarian why does everyone haf to act like they are goin to eat me and then i haf to prove to them that for me hoomans don’t count as “meat”
Shower? look like a truck stop restaurant.
Golden delicious???
(My apologies to those dirty-minded enough to get it)
And I was always told not the eat yaller snow. I hung, apparently, with a different crowd. Howsa ’bout them Golden Apples?
If memory serves, Frank Zappa actually made a song, “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow.”
Yep. I remember that… “Watch out where the Huskies go/ And don’t you eat that yellow snow…” I believe that was the chorus.
That’s the crux of the biscuit.
Ah, but is it the crux of a joined biscuit?
“Food – Fruit” ?
Doesn’t Fruit fall in the category Food? is it worth mentioning?
Well, that’s for us omnivores. We have to have it ‘splained that in this place you dare not ask “Where’s the beef?” without some burly Birkenstock wearing gents throwing your hind quarters outta there.
It’s always a good idea to have a shower after eating fruits. No matter how careful you are, you always get their juices all over you.
Reminds me of eating something else!
Take it from me, there is no joke that you don’t have to explain to anybody. When I taught I would write the silliest comments on students’ papers, mostly to keep my mind alert through the boring grading process, and it always seemed students were coming to me and asking, earnestly, “What did you mean by that?”
This is just an example of efficiency. You can now wash yourself and your fruit at the same time.
I always wash my plums when I shower.
If you had said you were washing your melons, I’d have had to change my mental picture of you!
I bet you leek in there too. Bloody men.
Pardon me, but it is women who become bloody on a fairly regular basis, not to mention other more viscous secretions!
It sure beets the toilet when it’s having contractions.
Don’t beat poor innocent toilets!
You’re allowed to beat the guilty ones, though.
And the rich innocent ones.
Kramer? Is that you?
Anyone who has watched a small child eat watermelon will agree that this concept has potential.
I’m fascinated by the concept of the take-away shower.
Diet coke & a packet of mentos?
Must be a baby shower. I attended a couple of those recently and certainly felt I’d been taken!
baby shower, not to be confused with an adult shower
The idea of a rain of small screaming and most likely soiled infants falling down on me from on high is enough to make me vow never to set foot outdoors again. At least until I can finish work on my motorised umbrella-on-wheels.
I believe you just invented the car roof!
I’m fascinated by the concept of eating in fruit. Since there are darn few fruits large enough to contain even a single human, I assume the fruit must be festooned upon the diners as decoration.
If you go through veggietables first, namely magic beans tossed out the window and allowed to germinate, then your concept becomes a reality. Just climb the stalk, and after a short walk, you’ll find plenty of fruits and veggies of sufficient size to eat in. Or even turn into an eat-in kitchen (or, excuse me, chicken). Jack and Bugs Bunny did it.
Interestingly enough, the sign/restaurant looks Vietnamese. Which means they must have had some giant Viet Cong back in the day. So maybe Victor Charlie had a secret weapon we didn’t know about.
Wouldn’t be TOO hard to eat in a pumpkin, they can get VERY large. Might still be a BIT of a tight fit for many adults, but it would give EVERYONE a reason to use the shower.
Damn. It used to only be “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service”. Now you gotta shower? A bubble bath with your rubber ducky doesn’t cut it? And how can they tell?
A professional pit sniffer screens you at the door. (And, believe it or not, there are actually professional pit sniffers!)
Usually, though, these folks are hired by deodorant manufacturers for R&D or some science science labs doing smelling/sniffing experiments. I guess the money isn’t the best, so they have to moonlight.
Still, my pits do not go neglected when I’m in the tub. But Mr. Bubble probably does have a distinctive smell that won’t get past these folks.
You remember the Doo-Wop song from the old Mr. Bubble commercials?
“Mr. Bubble-bubble-bubble
In the Tubble-tubble-tubble
(repeat endlessly, like it’s going to in my head for the rest of the day)
Mr. Bubble in the tubble
Gets you pretty clean…”
I can’t remember beyond that. But it’s frightening enough to know I have gray matter that still contains the songs from adverts, many many adverts. And don’t get me started on the songs from Hee-Haw. Please…
I don’t remember that one, but I can still reel off a half dozen cigarette commercials without effort, which amazes me since they haven’t been legal in the US for 40+ years.
I have to ask, though: What does a professional pit-sniffer do when they moonlight?
Work at Vietnamese restaurants that require you to shower before entry. Obviously.
Or they hook up with someone like Dennis Hopper’s character from Blue Velvet. *ah, Isabella Rossellini…. I’d snorf her any day!*
I want my fruits and shower with New Car Smell.
I’m curious. Was that a 4-year-old food critic who took a ball-point pen to the sign to express a strongly negative opinion of the place? Something like “too much fruits, not enough Vienna sausages!”
Since they’re 4, I guess they’re the food critic for Highlights Magazine. I’ll have to read the food section next time I go to the dentist.
I had thought that was an attempt at artistic decoration, some kind of abstract vase or something. You can see why I’m not an art critic.
I wasn’t looking too closely before, but I see the vase too. My 4 year-old food critic was only one supposition amongst numerous possibilities.
I think you are on to something. Interesting work- just enough realism to see the vase, then the rapid execution lends to the abstraction of it… Jackson Pollock influence, maybe, with the spontaneity aspect? Though hard to get drips from a ballpoint. Yep, I think it’s titled “Impression: Flower Vase (make sure you use Brit pronunciation, more chic and pretentious, too)”.
You have an artistic eye, my man, so don’t belittle yourself. Obviously, though, you’re dealing here with a former art major. And an Engrish major. So’s I can pull that art critic mess of in my sleep.
Great side note to that. I was leaving my University Liberry job one day and ran into a friend/coworker, an ABC pre-med student (ABC meaning American Born Chinese) and I said without thinking “I’m an Engrish major” to him; I picked up the pronunciation from an ROC friend of mine (Republic of China, aka Taiwan). Instead of throwing a PC conniption fit common at the time, he smiled and asked “Are you studying American Engrish, or Engrish Engrish?” I liked the guy already, and that cemented our friendship.
Sorry for the length of a lot of my entries. Sometimes I take a little while to build to a punch line. I can do bon mots, and will try more often in the future….
Just don’t do any Bon Scotts.
But I’m on the Highway to Hell. And Dirty Deeds to do.
And I got Big Balls, and she got big balls, and we’ve got big balls, and they’ve got big balls… but we’ve got the biggest balls of them all! and I’m just itching to tell you about them.
sorry about that.
Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep?
Gets your balls swinging to the left and to the right.
I Overdosed On Ewe.
That can happen if you wolf down your food. Or Foxx it down.
Cold hot drink? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?
Definition of iced tea.
Where are you on this hot cold summer night?
Now I don’t need to decide whether to eat or shower!
Now, no one has commented on what these people might have meant. In all seriousness, what could this mean? Food – Fruit, in my opinion, is like saying “Food all the way to Fruit.” To eat in or take away: Meaning in
American English “for here or to go.” However, the shower comment at the end? That is a question. Is that their word for alcohol? That is all I can think of.